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What is sexuality education and why is it important?
Sexuality education is not just about sex. Sexuality education includes sex, but also the roles, behaviors, and values people associate with being a man or woman.

Any loving caregiver--married or single, related or not--can be an effective sexuality educator. For simplicity, we refer to all caregivers as parents.

Sexuality is both physical and emotional. You can see it in everything we do: the clothes we wear, the way we walk, the way we talk, how we show affection and in many everyday events.

Children learn their values by constantly watching the people who care for them-by seeing what you do and how you act. Children begin learning about sexuality when they are infants, and they are sensitive to a parent's silent signals. By the time children start school, they already know a lot about human sexuality, especially their own.

Good sexuality education is based on the idea that loving and caring parents actively discover a child's needs for information and then find ways to fill those needs. Even adolescents in their mid-teens are still learning from you. (Yes, you can talk to your teenager about sexuality!)

Good communication lets you influence a child's behavior before a crisis happens. For example, many children are afraid to talk to a parent about natural body functions and whether they are "normal" or not. This fear may lead to secrecy and isolation, which, in turn, may lead to depression, anxiety and other forms of emotional stress.

We believe that solid sexuality education from parents can delay sexual activity and avert big problems later on. Perhaps most important, we believe that good communication will help you understand your child and help you and your child become closer.

The American Social Health Association strongly believes that sexuality education begins at home and that a parent is a child's most important sexuality educator.

We feel that children need:
  • A clear set of values
  • Accurate information
  • A strong sense of self-worth
  • Decision-making and communication skills
We do not believe that talking about sex or sexuality encourages sex. In fact, studies show that informed teenagers are less likely to have sex.



How can I be an approachable, askable parent?

Does your child feel it's OK to talk with you about sexuality? If not, have you thought about who will answer your child's questions? Only you can tell your child that it's OK to ask you questions-that you're askable.

Here are some traits of an askable parent. Check off phrases that describe you:

An askable parent -
  • Shows respect, value and love for children.
  • Realizes that every difficult situation is not a crisis.
  • Wants communication, but doesn't expect to have all the answers.
  • Knows the most important part of communication is listening.
  • Doesn't laugh when a child asks a question, even in reaction to the child's cuteness.
  • Doesn't expect to be perfect, and knows that admitting mistakes is a valuable lesson for the child.
  • Is sometimes embarrassed by sexuality, but acknowledges the discomfort and explains it to the child.
Children are more likely to talk to an approachable parent. If you check all seven answers, you are very askable.



How can I prepare for discussions with my child about sexuality and sexual health?

Discover and explain why talking about sexuality may be difficult. There are many reasons why parents hesitate to talk about sexuality. A parent may:
  • Feel embarrassed or lack confidence in answering questions.
  • Be afraid that talking about sexuality will encourage sexual activities
  • Feel uncomfortable thinking of children as sexual beings.
  • Think the child is not ready for the information.
  • Not have thought through or talked about family values and beliefs.
Consider what might happen if you do not talk with your child. If a child doesn't learn about sexuality issues from a parent, the child will learn about sexuality elsewhere-from friends, magazines, television and other sources. This information can be incorrect, confusing, and may not agree with the parent's beliefs. Research shows that uninformed children are at greater risk for early sexual activity, sexually transmitted diseases or infections (including AIDS), pregnancy, sexual exploitation, and abuse.

Focus on your goals. Even if you are uncomfortable talking about sexuality, the purpose of these conversations with your child is usually to answer questions, eliminate fears, share your values, and build the child's self-confidence and self-competence.

Plan how to respond to questions. Parents who are uncomfortable talking about sexuality may find it helpful to plan what they will say and how they might answer their child's questions. When your child asks a question or does something that triggers a teachable moment, you may find this three-step response format useful:
  • Make sure you know what the child is asking. (Ask your child, "Do you mean...?" or "Do you want to know about...?")
  • Discover why the child is asking. Is your child trying to:
  • Check a fact?
  • Make sure he or she is normal?
  • Test your knowledge?
  • Explore his or her values?
  • Satisfy curiosity?
  • After you've decided what to say, keep it short and simple.

Respond immediately to your child's need to know. Even if your child asks a question at a difficult time, it is better to answer right away, if only briefly. You can always resume the discussion later when you have collected your thoughts or when you have more privacy.

Be sensitive to your expressions and gestures. The way you answer a question is sexuality education, too. Don't forget to smile, and remember that a good sense of humor can help communication. Take the initiative, if necessary. If, by age six, your child isn't asking questions, it's up to you to find moments to begin talking about sexuality issues. The earlier you begin communicating with your child, the easier it will be. Get and give support. Talk with other parents and see how they're doing. Find out about sexuality education programs offered by your school, religious organization or other community service groups. If you have any concerns about your child's development, talk with your health care provider, knowledgeable family members, or other parents.

Reach out to others for information, understanding, and ideas on how to maintain open communication with your child. Support from others can help you and your child through the awkwardness and uncertainty of dealing with sexuality education. We encourage you to peruse our site for information regarding sexually transmitted diseases and infections (STDs/STIs) and risk reduction practices. You or your child may also visit our teen-focused Web site, www.iwannaknow.org, which has a section for parents.

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