I found out that I have HPV a little more than a year ago, and I'm still trying to come to grips with the disease when it comes to relationships. Right now, there is someone that I am interested in, and who is interested in me. The problem that I'm facing is that I don't know when to tell him that I have HPV. Right now we're just hanging out and trying to decide whether we want something that happen or not, but I don't want things to get more serious without him knowing because I think that it'll play a big factor in all of this. Since I have never told a future parter (as I haven't been in a relationship since I found out), I'm at a total loss about whether I should tell him now, or wait until things become more serious.

Hello RegisAngel and welcome to our message boards.

The issue of what to tell a partner, and when, is one of the most difficult for many. I suggest you read a post on this topic at http://www.ashastd.org/phpbb/viewtopic.php?t=18.

You can also review a discussion on HPV in relationships (including new partners) at http://www.ashastd.org/hpv/hpv_learn_relationships.cfm.

We recommend using the dating process in order to get to know a potential partner before telling them about HPV. This will help determine what it is a new partner may want from the relationship. As the relationship progresses toward sexual activity, suggesting a discussion about sexual histories might be a good way to introduce HPV as a topic.

It is important to keep in mind that this is not a confessional or apology - you have done nothing wrong. Caring for a partner enough to put their needs ahead of your own and trust them with a very intimate detail of your life is appreciated by most people.

Some talking points to consider including in a conversation with a new partner are that while HPV is very common, most never develop visible signs of the virus or health complications as a result. None of this is to minimize the impact of HPV by any means; rather, it's to offer a perspective that is often overlooked. This is also a chance to discuss safer sex practices, such as using latex condoms if they're appropriate to the relationship. Condoms don't eliminate the risks of STI transmission but when used consistently and correctly can diminish the risks, often a great deal.

After reviewing the links I posted, let us know if you have more questions. Thanks for being a part of our online community!

Fredo
HPV Boad Moderator