hey,
ive been going out with my boy friend for less than 2mos and found out just weeks before we started going out the i have HPV. I can slowly see this possibly getting more serious. How do I tell him? What do I say? We havent had sex yet...bc i could never live w/ myself knowing that I did that to someone (even if he never showed any symptoms of it). I have the warts so I figured I would just wait until they were gone to tell him (for stress related reasons) and Ive been having trouble with my drs and on top of that found out a couple weeks ago that i have them inside too! so now i dont know how long it will take to get rid of everything completely and am having a really hard time keeping it from him. He is a germaphobic. And we just had a conversation last night about how disgusting he thinks girls that have STDs are. I got him to come to his senses a little....but....how do i tell him??? i like him a lot.

I am having the same anxiety over telling my boyfriend. I don't know how he feels about girls with STD's...but I have a good feeling he won't take it as bad I did. Even though I wasn't acting like a "whore" when I got it, that's how I saw myself. If your boyfriend really loves you, which I'm sure he does, then he will see you for the person you are, not the STD you have. Make sure that when you tell him that you are prepared for any questions he may have. Let him know about the possibility of your immune system kicking this virus out in 1-2 years. That may ease his mind a little. This site has been extremely helpful in relieving my anxieties and making me more knowledgeable on HPV. Like you, I am waiting until they are gone to tell him. Let me know how it goes when you do tell him.

p.s. I'm not a 44 year old man like the name suggests....i'm a 22 yr old female!!

I've found just being open and honest is the way to go. Why not use his comments about girls with std's being disgusting as a way to bring it up? Tell him you have something that's really bothering you that you need to talk to him about further and then start off with something along the lines of - hey the other night you really upset me and I want to tell you why. Then tell him that he made the comment that he thinks girls with std's are disgusting and that really hurt you since you were recently diagnosed as having a genital hpv infection but just didn't have reason to talk to him about it yet since you have been intimate together yet. Then go from there. Also be sure to include that you will gladly forward him some info on hpv if he's interested in learning more about it and forward him the link to asha's website.

You are far more likely to have a std in your lifetime then you are not to have one - it's just a matter of if you are even aware that you have it or not that is the kicker. Many folks who assume that if you had something, you'd know it in a heartbeat don't realize that the most common symptom of most std's is relatively no symptoms at all I don't know about you but the longer I wait to talk about something like this - the harder it gets to be and the more emotional about the whole thing I get whether it's anger, anxiety, upset or whatnot. Talk about this with your partner and get it out in the open. If he runs - then you know it wasn't meant to be anyways in my book.

Big hugs to both of you - I know how hard it is to bring this all up with a new partner but it's worth it to start a relationship out on the right foot - with honesty, openess and good communication.

betsy

??SCARED?? ~

Just be very open and honest about what's been happening in your life lately. Especially if you think that things between the two of you are leading towards sex.

I also think it's important to be open and honest about his status too. Maybe he will have a confession or two for you if and when you decide the timing is right for you to discuss what's been happening with you lately.

What's important is that you do talk to him about all of this before you have sex. If you are still in the getting-to-know-you stages there is absolutely nothing wrong with taking things slow and concentrating on your friendship first.

If you want to, you are more than welcome to read our story:

Our Herpes Telling Story

Hang in there and good luck w/the telling process,

Angela

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Herpes Help

I am a 31 yr old male, pls excuse the intrusion into the women questions, but I would like to pose one in the same fashion. Say I am out dating, not whoring, do I need to tell my female date immediately to give her a chance to run for the hills or do I wait until she gets to know me, then risk being called names and burned at the stake for hiding it from her?? As for the BF, I would be very understanding wether I had this or not, prior to having it I understood there were things out there and have ALWAYS appreciated honesty, so I imagine if you ladies are dating quality men they will be very understanding and stand by you, for you, not your virus.

Hi brokers,

If you've yet to do so, maybe check out the discussion on talking with partners at http://www.ashastd.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=18.

We encourage partners to have open, frank discussions about sexual health matters prior to becoming sexually active, but it doesn't seem unreasonable to take some time to get to know each other first.

Also view the relationship section of the HPV Resource Center site at http://www.ashastd.org/hpv/hpv_learn_relationships.cfm.

All the best,
Fredo

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ASHA Moderator