I have been in 2 "long term" monogamous relationships in 5 years. I believed for other reasons than the HPV that the first partner I was with for 2 years was unfaithful. About 6 months into my new relationship, I developed warts. My new partner developed them a few months later.

I was horrified angry and embarrassed.. didn't know who to "blame" ...same thing everybody knows I guess.

Anyway, I assume I have been infected with the virus for about 3 years now, and it has been almost 2 full years since I've had an active wart episode. The information available online is conflicting. Some say I may not have the virus anymore, some say it could wake up any time. Some say tests are available, some say they are not.

I recently have started becoming close with someone I'm now dating, and while I'm not ready to begin a sexual relationship with him, I'm feeling the time to be truthful is now. It feels wrong to get much further emotionally and elude to the possibility of sex without him knowing, but I'm scared to death of what his reaction might be. I mean no one WANTS and std!

Anyone have any advice for telling him? Anyone else been through this lately? Anyone else feel like they can NEVER have another partner? LOL

Thanks.

Hello Ruth,

I've had HPV for over 10 years, during that time I have had the "conversation" on three occasions. Every time I got so worked up before I told them. I can tell you that it is never as bad as you think and all the women I had the talk with were very understanding. All three became a serious relationship.

Being honest and upfront is responsible, considerate and trust worthy. People respect that.

When I met my current girlfriend... soon to be fiancé (shhh she doesn't know yet) I said to myself that there is no way that things will work out between us due to the fact that she had only two partners in her life and was concerned about disease etc. little did I know it would be the greatest step of my life.

After we talked about it, I shared the facts about HPV that I had learned from sites like this. (PS tell him upfront that the pictures he will find are the most extreme cases… lol) I sent her an email with some of the web address's so she could look herself and ask me any questions that she may have (I’m sure we all feel that we know more about it than most of the dr's that diagnosed us)

Anyway the most difficult part for me was trying to foresee the future… I felt like I needed to be confident that the start of this relationship would turn into a life together. I still struggle with HPV but after accepting that this will be apart of my life things have kinda taken care of themselves.

Don’t worry everything will work out fine!
J

Hi Ruth,

You bring up a great question. I've gone back and forth with this myself over the years, and it's hard to find a consensus among experts here.

HPV is most often cleared naturally by the immune response, but the virus can remain in an undetectable form that allows for it to emerge later. Now, this usually isn't an issue unless someone develops, say, a compromised immune system, but the possibility remains. It's very uncommon for someone who's gone six months free of warts to have them return, though.

It's difficult for me to strongly urge you to bring up a past HPV diagnosis with every new partner. This seems a bit unfair. However, sometimes the best reason to talk about this with a new partner is if you'll feel guilty for not bringing it up.

If you decide o discuss this, here are some talking points to consider including:

HPV is an almost universal virus, that 75-80% of sexually active people are thought to have at some point in their lives.
In the majority of cases the virus causes neither visible symptoms or health issues, and will be cleared naturally.
Not every single case goes according to this plan, though, so I thought I'd talk with you about it.

I hope this helps. Let us know if you have any other questions, ok?

Best to you,
Fredo

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ASHA Moderator

I recently told a prospective new partner about my history with warts. I did this, because I felt that it was my responsibility to do so. She's a serious germ-o-phobe. So, if she didn't know about this before sleeping with me and were somehow to show some signs of infection later, I expected her to freak out, blame me, be angry with me. So, for the sake of open communication, trust, and full disclosure, which I felt was necessary with her, I just came out and told her. We talked about what it meant. We talked about talking more about warts. We talked about where she could find more information to educate herself. I wanted her to know. I needed to have her know.

It really went a lot better than I thought it would. I thought she would freak. She really just thought that for her a combination of using condoms and my getting treated for a wart recurrence was enough for her peace of mind. So, that went very well.

I think, however, that this is a situation that may need to be looked at on a case-by-case basis. For instance, I haven't told a past partner, because I know that she is really great about yearly trips to the OB-GYN. I told another past partner, because she isn't good about those things.

Well I did it, I told him. It actually went really great. He was so understanding about it, and actually had some knowledge of the virus before I even brought it up.

He already understood how common it is, and agreed that because I haven't had problems in so long, that it would PROBABLY be ok.

I feel so much better already! Thanks everyone for your replies. It's nice to hear from people that understand.

Thanks Ruth and Ball for sharing your stories and providing these updates! Your perspectives are important ones and good for all of us to hear.

Thank you again!

Fredo

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ASHA Moderator

So I have to tell the new lady friend, and am completely lost. I wanna crawl in a hole and never come out.

Hey Jok3rrr,

How long since you were diagnosed with HPV (or were you actually diagnosed yourself)?

Go to http://www.ashastd.org/phpbb/viewtopic.php?t=5706 and read some of the topics there. It's not easy to talk about HPV - one can really debate how necessary it is to discuss a past diagnosis. Sometimes the best reason to tell a partner is not so much for their benefit, but because it feels better to get it off your chest.

Keep in mind that most everyone has HPV but it's seldom dangerous and usually cleared by the immune system.

Post anytime.

Best,
Fredo

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ASHA Moderator

10 years?

I don't quite think that sounds right...

I also want to know how do you have this for 10 years? how do you know?

Interesting that you ask, to answer that question “I don’t know?” I know it seems unreasonable. Based on all the data that is shared on this site I should have cleared it years ago, but I haven't.

I'll explain the time line and hopefully Fredo can offer me some input.

I first noticed signs of GW in 1998 I was 18 years old and got HPV from an unfaithful partner. In 1999 I went to my Dr and was referred to a dermatologist. The Dr took a skin sample and tested it to confirm HPV. My first treatment was condolyne (a topical home treatment) that proved useless. Then the Dr began freezing with liquid nitrogen, I only had a small number of warts present and as time went on they became smaller and smaller. The GW kept coming back, we tried Aldara and had no better results, so after a year of nitrogen treatments etc my Dr began a more aggressive treatment where local anesthetic was used to numb the area around the wart and a laser (don’t know what it was called) was used to zap the wart. This treatment continued every 3 months for over a year and each treatment my Dr would take a skin sample and test it. It always came back with a positive result. I continued to ask my Dr why? and I was told that some people have difficulty clearing the virus etc, but I was a healthy person, granted I smoked but I never got sick… and I always took care of myself.

I got so frustrated, ashamed and worn down during the first few years. I was a young attractive male that couldn’t even date people because of this dam HPV I remember thinking and comparing all the other viral diseases I would rather have instead of this persistent HPV. Now until this point I had not told anyone about my HPV. In 2001 I opened up to my sister about it and that was the best thing I ever did… all of a sudden a weight was lifted once I talked to her about it.

In 2002 I stopped the treatment because it seemed like a waste of time (it was a painful treatment) The warts were always very small and only 1 or 2 would show up at a time. In March of 2002 I met a girl and explained my HPV, I expected her to show signs of GW but she never did. We broke up later that year. While we were dating I don’t recall seeing any warts so I may have suppressed it during these months?

In 2003 I noticed some small bumps so I quit smoking and would go to my family Dr to get any visible warts frozen off, I think this is the best treatment because they heal quick and it is a very easy treatment. From late 2002 to March 2003 I probably went to get treatment twice.

I got into a 3 year relationship in March of 2003 I also explained HPV to her etc. from 2003 to 2006 I didn’t find any warts and she didn’t get any abnormal pap tests or show any signs of warts. After we broke up in 2006 I really began inspecting my genitals to see if I had cleared it or not??? I went to the Dr on a couple of occasions during this time to get these small flat bumps removed. Some looked like the base of the hair folical was raised others were the size of the head of a pen. The last time I received any treatment for warts was in January 2008.

I am now engaged to a beautiful women that I met in November 2007 she had her annual pap done in January 2008 and it can back as ASCUS now I have only shown GW and she has not shown any signs of GW. But prior to me she was only in 2 relationships and I am very confident that she did not have HPV prior to meeting me.

When she received her results (3 Months Later!!!) I began inspecting myself again and I’ve noticed 2 suspicious bumps in the exact same area as before. I am going to get them frozen tomorrow.

Now I don’t know if at one point I had cleared the virus and it came back or if I’ve had it all along, I guess I just accepted it live with it?

Thoughts?

Ert7,

I can relate to your story, although my diagnosis was only a couple of months ago. I too have been having many of the feelings that you've been experiencing for some time.

I wanted to write though to encourage you to keep your head up, and stay positive. You will likely clear this at some point, especially if you quit smoking. (This really wears down your body's natural immune response.)

What I found positive and inspiring about your story was the fact that you've had several successful relationships since your diagnosis, and the women you've been with have been willing to be with you notwithstanding your diagnosis.

This is the main thing that I'm grappling with right now. I'm just so afraid that I'm going to meet someone special, and once I break the news, she's going to bolt. Reading a story like yours gives me hope though.

Be well,

~Max~