Last month, I contacted my ex-boyfriend by phone to seek his assistance with a matter involving a state agency. Currently, he serves as a state legislator. When I explained my predicament to him, he proposed a solution to my outcome. He would resolve my problem with the state agency if I were to become his f**k buddy.

As you can imagine, I was aghast and horrified by this indecent proposal. For starters, I had not expected his proposition. I was the one to end our relationship seven years ago because he was suffering from a drinking problem and serving probation for two, misdemeanor offenses. For the past four years, I have been happily married to my husband. My ex knew my marital status. What average citizen expects that she will have to exchange a sexual favor in order to receive the help of a politician?

When I relayed this conversation to a mutual friend of the ex, the friend informed me that the ex had not been faithful during our relationship. The friend claimed that the ex was accessing gay chat rooms on line and hooking up with random men for sex in parks and restrooms. In addition, the ex was trolling the gay clubs at night when we were not together.

Unfortunately, this is not the first time that I have heard this allegation regarding my ex. A roommate of this friend had tried to warn me when I was dating him. The roommate claimed that the ex was cheating on me with guys. At the time, I thought that the accusation was ludicrous and refused to give it any merit. Hindsight is always 20/20.

A week later, I contacted my ex by phone to discuss this charge made by the mutual friend. The ex described the mutual friend as being "nuts." In addition, the ex claimed that I had crossed a boundary. I assured him that I had no interest in making such a salacious inquiry if it were not prompted out of a concern for my health and that of my spouse's. Then, the ex started screaming into the phone that he "owed me no responsibility for his actions" during our relationship. Next, he threatened me with a criminal prosecution for discussing this topic. In response, I hung up on him.

The following week, I was screened anonymously at a STD clinic. When being examined by a doctor at the clinic, a papilloma was observed on the introitus of my vagina. No abnormalities were noticed on my husband's genitalia. All other STD testing was negative.

When I learned about the mass, I asked the doctor if the ex should be tested. She advised that he be screened given his high risk sexual behavior. However, she recommended that if I were to notify him to keep it very brief. She suggested that I state that I had a moral and legal obligation to contact him about this medical issue because I was a former sex partner.

In retrospect, I should have retained an attorney to handle the notification. I had hoped that he would have been more reasonable after taking a week to reflect upon our conversation. To minimize the potential for conflict, I decided to send him a brief e-mail instead of calling him. Unfortunately, his response was to threaten me with a restraining order via e-mail.

Since that interaction with the ex, I have consulted with an attorney. The lawyer has advised me to have no further contact with him which is not an issue from my perspective. He recommended that I change my phone number and block my ex from my primary e-mail address. Furthermore, the attorney believes that I should file a formal complaint with the ethics commission in my state because he believed that my ex abused his position as an office holder by propositioning and then threatening me.

When I consulted with my regular gynecologist last week, she also observed this abnormal lesion. She was convinced that it was HPV. As a preventative measure, she decided to excise it for a biopsy. The result of the biopsy confirmed her initial diagnosis.

I noticed that my message had been cut off. Here is the remainder. Thanks for your understanding.

This past month has been a living hell for me. According to another friend, the ex is defaming me around the state capital. He is alleging that I contracted a STD because I was promiscuous and had cheated on my husband. In my life, I have only had two partners: my ex and my husband. I abstained from sex until the age of 23 for religious reasons. Anyone who knows me will dismiss this claim as patently false.

Since the biopsy, I have experienced a wide range of emotions. I'm feeling very betrayed by the ex because I lost my virginity and miscarried a child with him. Furthermore, I abstained from using a condom because the religion that I practiced at the time (Catholicism) has a prohibition on the use of contraceptives. Naively, I assumed that I was in a monogamous relationship. In addition, my ex was promising marriage. Now, I'm afraid that I will be confronted with a lifetime of regret and medical complications for a foolhardy decision seven years ago.

TIA,
Belle

Hi Belle,

I am so sorry for all that you've been through. I can't imagine how stressful this must be! How terrible to be treated in such a shabby manner, none of which is your fault or deserved.

HPV is a common virus that almost all sexually active people have at some point. Fortunately, warts can be treated and at some point, the immune system usually gets the upper hand on HPV and clears the infection naturally. Warts are seldom dangerous (kind of rare that they are, actually) so this is not likely to have a significant impact on you or your husband.

I wish I could say something to help you deal with you ex. You hang in there and let us know if you have any questions, ok?

Best,
Fredo

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