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National Cervical Cancer Coalition


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 Post subject: I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!
PostPosted: Wed May 13, 2009 9:04 am 

Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2009 8:57 pm
Posts: 29
I have been dealing with GW since Dec, I can't take it anymore!...the treatment is unbearable....it hurts to much to just to do the treatment. I get rid of one ,5 more pop up....i can't stop crying..i'm having panic attacks and have been in the hospital for that. I'm at a dead end and feel like i will be with this forever. i can't even have sex with my bf..I can feel him pulling away...but maybe thats just me pushing him. I'm now depressed and close to the edge. I can't do this anymore do a treatment and then another and another, were i'm constantly in a state of pain....what the hell did i do to deserve this....I honestly can't live wth this anymore it's ruining my life.

What ealse can i do!!!!!!!!!!!??????????? to make this go away now


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed May 13, 2009 9:27 am 
Site Admin

Joined: Wed Oct 04, 2006 4:08 pm
Posts: 2122
Location: North Carolina
Hi kiddo,

Oh my gosh, you are having such a hard time! I am so very sorry for what you're going through. I know it seems like this will never end, but I can tell you it's not rare to have recurrences and multiple treatments over the time frame that you've been dealing with this. That doesn't make it any better, I know, but I only say that to point out there is a light at the end of this and, from what I can tell, you're not some odd, hard to explain case.

What treatment are you having (forgive me if you've mentioned this before and I simply don't recall)?

You poor dear, I wish I could do something to help. The fact this is bothering your relationship makes it even harder.

Is there anything you can do to relax, to take your mind off things while you heal and your body is coping with this? Movies, books, or the like? If you'd like to join us in the Chill Out lounge(http://www.ashastd.org/phpbb/viewforum.php?f=13) to hang out and chat off topic, please feel free.

Hang in there, and post as often as you like!

Fredo

_________________
ASHA Moderator


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 Post subject: Re:
PostPosted: Wed May 13, 2009 11:06 am 

Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2009 8:57 pm
Posts: 29
I was using the aldara treatment....It hurts worse then the kidney stone i had last year..so you can only imagine...And of course i get warts in the most senstive areas.....i did use cyro once...only hurt for a sec...unlike aldara which the pain lasted for days. I talked to my doctor yestuerday i'm going switch back to cyro..i'm just afraid they will miss some because they are in areas that are hard to explain, that i need to point out.....can they just cyro my whole crotch lol.

I did seek counseling..i have my first meeting is tomorrow..so i hope it helps.
my work keeps me busy..so i don't think about it much during the day i just cry at night. I really have no time to excerise or do anything... i'm depressed i just want to lie in bed all day and cry. my bf is no help hejust tells me to get over it....it makes me feel less attractive.

i really just need joint so i can relax lol....but no i'm not allowed to smoke.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed May 13, 2009 5:34 pm 

Joined: Wed Apr 29, 2009 12:49 pm
Posts: 12
Location: Texas
hugs for you hurtandscared!!

Please don't give up on yourself and living life. I know it's hard. The GWs are something that's difficult to live with, and the idea of something taking over our "area" in that way, it's nerve-wrecking.

You have done nothing wrong. You are a very strong person, you're talking about your issues, and you've started doing what you have to do to get through. That shows a lot, and trust that you have our support if that counts as any.

Please continue writing!!
I hope you find the calm you need in the middle of all this craziness.
we're here to "listen" if anything.

_________________
"Courage is not the absence of fear yet, it is the presence of fear but the will to go on."


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu May 14, 2009 6:04 am 

Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2009 8:57 pm
Posts: 29
Thanks...I have my first counseling session today. I hope all goes well...but i just can't help to be negative when it just gets worse every day


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu May 14, 2009 10:01 am 

Joined: Wed Apr 29, 2009 12:49 pm
Posts: 12
Location: Texas
Please let us know how it went; I hope it all goes well.

I understand it's easy to get discouraged, so I hope you get the chance to let it all out today -


Good Luck today!
:)

_________________
"Courage is not the absence of fear yet, it is the presence of fear but the will to go on."


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri May 15, 2009 9:33 am 
Site Admin

Joined: Wed Oct 04, 2006 4:08 pm
Posts: 2122
Location: North Carolina
Ditto that, please check in with us whenever you can and let us know how things are going. We're thinking about you!

Fredo

_________________
ASHA Moderator


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu May 21, 2009 3:45 pm 
Site Admin

Joined: Wed Oct 04, 2006 4:08 pm
Posts: 2122
Location: North Carolina
Hey hurtandscared,

I just wanted to check in to see how you're doing. We're thinking about you so let us hear from you when you have a chance.

Thanks!
Fredo

_________________
ASHA Moderator


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu May 21, 2009 7:38 pm 

Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2009 8:57 pm
Posts: 29
Thank Fredo for thinking about me. My job has been keeping me busy.. My counseling went well i will see her again on June 3. She told me she thinks i have a mild case of depression and very stressed. no really..thanks i already knew that...thanks god it was free. but anyways she's teaching me ways to cope with stress. she's skirting the issue tho...i'm depressed because of the hpv..i wanted to talk about that more and help me deal with the emotions...i guess i will have to tell her that.

anyways i'm going to see my family doctor tomorrow for cyro..the aldara burns to much..they cryo wasn't bad the first time i tried it and it worked in one treatment. since i switched family docs it's been better, she has cyro there so i don't have to go to a derm, and easier to get an appt. I will have to talk to her about his tomorrow but i noticed some in my urthea and it's freaking me out..how the hell am i going to get rid of those ones SERIOUSLY HOW DO YOU GET RID OF THOSE ONES??...i'm having some pain too. 6 months and counting now...I DON'T SEE THE LIGHT. this is ruining my relationship and i'm afraid i will never have sex with my bf ever again. i know he loves me but come on this is dumb. karma must be catching up with me for some dumb thing i must have done in the past.

on another note, soccer season is starting so that will help with stress and i'm looking into yoga.

some days i'm ok other days i cry and the tears don't stop. I hate myself for not being more careful.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun May 24, 2009 11:57 pm 

Joined: Mon Jun 23, 2008 9:13 pm
Posts: 89
H&S,

I know how you feel. Although, I've never had GW only an abnormal pap (my ex bf had gw, I must've had them internally which caused the abnormal pap), this has really changed me. I feel I may also need some counseling. I've gained about 40-50 lbs, I don't go anywhere or do anything any more. My ex won't even talk to me anymore. I tried an online dating site for ppl with stds and I just feel lame. No one even lives in my area with HPV on the site. Although it's been one year now and I've since had one normal pap, I still fear passing genital warts to someone else. I feel really guilty about what happen and I'm having a hard time moving on. I also fear revealing that I have an std to someone who may be interested in me. This is no fun to deal with. I wish you all the best. I hope after your next treatment they will stay gone and you can be happy in your relationship. At least you have someone to stand by you. He seems like a stand up guy.


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