Hi Everyone,

So here's my story... I started dating (and sleeping with) my boyfriend in September of 2006, and was diagnosed with HPV (GW) in April 2007. His only previous girlfriend was very promiscuous and had been treated for traces of cervical cancer and he did not realize/not have the talk that she therefore had HPV. No testing was involved between them (naive boyfriend), and no testing involved between us because of other issues. Anyways....

We had a great sex life for the first 6 months, then I had 3 months treatment for the warts. The sex stopped, then I have been having random spotting (period wise) ever since. This hinders our (or shall I say, my recieving of) oral sex life. And our sex life in general. I'm going to different doctors to try to get the spotting to stop, but that's not the real issue here.

So...to get to the point...he just mentioned to me YESTERDAY that ever since the HPV and me having little problems here and there, he has felt guilty and not been as interested in sex because he sees something or something happens that reminds him that he gave me HPV, and that it is something I am still (inadvertently) dealing with. It can, and will, eventually destroy our relationship. Everytime I go to the Doctors, they tell me to get over any anger about getting it from him, because it will only make things worse. And I am over it, but he is not.

Are there any books or websites about this stuff? We want to get married eventually but this lack of sex (ultimately related to the HPV) is giving us lots o' emotional stability problems. And, by the way, there have been no traces of the warts since, and everything directly related to the HPV looks like it is gone! I called CDC and got a number for a place that can do some counseling for us, but is there any other advice and/or books and the like?

Thanks so much for listening to my long post!!!

Hi and thanks for posting.



Couple of points here. First, unless he's the only partner you've ever had, he doesn't really know he's the source of your HPV. The types of HPV that would have caused cervical disease in his ex are probably not the same that would be found with genital warts - there are many different types of HPV, and cervical precancers/cancers seldom involve the "low risk" types in warts. So, there's that piece to consider.

Of course, he could be the one who exposed you to HPV but you know, virtually all sexually active people have one or more HPV infections over their lifetimes. It's tough to be a normal, sexually active person and not encounter HPV.



Going for counseling sounds like a really good idea, since this has become such a big issue in your relationship. I don't know of any specific websites for help with HPV in relationships per se, but obviously that type of support is something we offer here. Maybe encourage your boyfriend to log onto these boards and chat with us. Other than that, getting good, clear information about HPV is important, and chief among that is understanding that having HPV is NORMAL! He's normal, you're normal, and no one has done anything stupid, bad, or wrong. If you're human then you almost certainly have, have had, or will have HPV. Your immune system will probably clear it eventually. That's how it works for people in the 21st century!

Best,
Fredo

_________________
ASHA Moderator