Hello,
I am a guy, 23 years old.
I was with a girl for 3 months. We broke up about one month ago. At the mid of our relationship she had informed me that he has the hpv virus and would be better to continue having sex with condom. I agreed and had no problem with that but some days after we had sex without condom. That happened twice.
The girl had never had any genital warts or any kind of treatment. She was just diagnosed by pap test some time ago that she has hpv. While we were together she had 2 pap test which were negative to the virus. She has not done the hpv test to define what type of hpv he has exactly.
The problem is that since we broke up i keep blaming my self for not using condom those two times. It was my first relationship and I reacted very immature on some points of our relationship. The thing is that for many years I kept blaming my self for an other incident that had happened. both those 2 incidents have a common, this common is that I blame my self for something that Is not a big deal and keep doing bad thoughts.

It was my first relationship and I finally at the age of 23 find out how beautifull is to have a person caring for you and loving you. I had never found that before and even for 3 months that the relationship lasted I was the happiest person in the earth. I also find out how beautiful is to have sex/love with another person. If I didn’t knew about the hpv I would probably now be a very happy person who has just find out how great is to be with another person. But right now what I do is to keep blaming my self about those 2 times I had sex without condom and also blame my self for passing hpv to my future relationships.

I don’t know if I have hpv, doctors who examined me didn’t found any wart on me and told me that I cant do anything else about this issue, just having sex with condom from some time till my next exam for warts in 3 mothns. I have asked even a psychologist and all of them told me not to bother, cause its so common disease and that as many chances I have to be infected I also have not to be.

I want to ask you fredo, what are, by your experience the chances of having acquired the hpv infection? I also want to add that our sex life was very passionate. We were together for 3 months and because we were almost living together we were having sex 2-3 times per day. I would have acquired the infection even I had always used condom? I told to a gynaecologist some things about our sex life and told me that its very possible to have the virus even I used condom all the time. By the time we had sex without condom we were both eating good, no smoking, no drinking and going together to gym. I don’t know if those affect if I got the virus I just want to share them with you. I also want to add that the one time we didn’t used condom I stayed in her vagina for about 5-7 minutes and the other for only 1-2.

I am not trying to find excuses for not using condom I am just trying to get my self calm down. I also want to add that as I said before its on my character to always try to be sad and anxious about things. So I am sure that even I had used condom I would be on that site and writing to you this message cause I read that the virus is very easily to be transmitted. Is it so bad not to use a condom with someone that you live together and having so great time together?

I also want to add you about something that I read on articles. The 75-80% that many says about how common is hpv what does include? I mean this percent is for the sexually transmitted hpv types? Or for all the types, for example those who affect our foots or our hands?

Should I ask from the girl when and if she has the hpv test to inform me about the type? This could be a relief if I found out that I have a low risk type but could also make me more concerned if she has a high risk type

As you can imagine I also have a thing about if I should tell to my future girls that I “might” have the hpv virus. That also concerns me a lot. I am really sad with all those thoughts cause as I told you before it was my first relationship and rather than being happy for having sex for first time and moving on to the next girl I prefer to thing about all these stuff.

I hope you read all the post and I want to thank you for every answer that you give me and excuse me for my moderate english.

Hi there,



Oh, that's hard to answer because we don't know if your ex-partner still had HPV while you were with her and, if she did, was the virus able to be transmitted to you.



That's just for the sexually transmitted types! If you have sex, the odds are pretty good at some point you have/have had an HPV infection. Having HPV just means that someone is normal.



Probably not worth worrying about.



You know, most folks wouldn't urge you to do that. That seems like asking a lot, giving your circumstances and considering that HPV is almost universal (and that even high-risk types are seldom dangerous). Just live your life, pal!

Best,
Fredo

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ASHA Moderator

ty so much for answering my friend.

can you please determine what do you mean by saying "if my ex-partner still had the hpv"?
as i told you, she told me that she never had any warts, she never done any treatment, she found out she has hpv by doing the normal yearly pap test. i dont know when she found that out, i didnt asked her and i think its too much information to ask.

1 month before i met her she had a pap test which result was negative and by the time we had sex without condom she had one more pap test which also was negative.

so i guess all that means she has the virus but it was fully inactive by the time we had unprotected sex.

i have heard that with uncovered sex if the male has hpv the chances of passing it on the girl are pretty high, but if the girl has the hpv the chances are about 25% per contact. how true is that?

and one more question please. by that 75-80% what are the percent of the 6-11 types of hpv? i ask you because my doctors told me that because of the girl have not any visible warts that this probably means she has another than 6-11 type. so that probably means i wont ever get visible warts.

ty so much for answering me.

HPV goes away on its own in most cases. Just because someone had a past indication of an HPV infection doesn't mean they have it now. There's no way to really tell about all this for sure, which is the frustrating part.



I don't know about that, to be honest. I think the real question is whether or not a partner's immune system has cleared the HPV, how much of the infection might be left, and so on.



I don't know this one for certain, either. If a female has a Pap test suggestive of HPV, then most likely types other than 6 and 11 are involved. Keep in mind that with so-called "high risk" types, the term "high risk" is misleading because there is seldom any danger here to men or women. The important thing is for women to have regular Pap tests.

I hope this helps.

Best to you,
Fredo

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ASHA Moderator

sorry for bothering you with so many question but i have one last question my friend.

in your opinion, should i have the hpv test for men? a doctor that i have asked told me that if i am so concerned about having/passing hpv i could make this test. he told me that there is a little possibility the result to be correct, cause most of the times the result is negative because the exam is difficult to detect where exactly on penis there is hpv.

if i found out that i have hpv for sure with this test, will then i become even more anxious by knowing that i have it?

the funny part is that even the test comes negative i will still think that its a false result etc etc...

once again thank you!

You might have answered your own question here! No HPV test is currently approved for clinical use for men (these tests are used with men in medical research studies) and, in most cases, aren't very helpful. You might want to go with your doctor's advice here.

Best,
Fredo

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ASHA Moderator

hello fredo!

i am reading your answers on various new topics and i have to say you are giving so good advices!!

i would like to thank you for that!

"Remember, too, that virtually all sexually active people have one or more HPV infections in their lives." this is a great quote from you from another topic... it's so true!

i have come to a conclusion that hpv is more a psychological decease...

i mean that, most of people have it but if you know that for sure you have or you might have its kinda different... but i guess that’s life...

you have my best wishes!