Hi,

I am in a new relationship and have been with my girlfriend for 3 months now. We have had sex many times (every time with a condom) and have both performed oral sex on eachother. Three nights ago, after having sex, she told me that she has HPV. She said that it was not a strain that causes warts or any possible complications for men. She also said that her gynecologist said that it wasn't a big deal and that telling her sexual partners isn't necessary.

After researching the virus, I know that HPV is extremely prevalent in today's sexually active community. But, even with that being said, I still don't want any sort of STD in my body if I can avoid it. After thinking long and hard for a couple of days and talking to confidants, I'm still befuddled as to which way to proceed. I've generated a lot of questions and I'd really appreciate some help in the form of feedback.

My girlfriend said that she has a strain that apparently won't affect men, but how can I know for sure? I know that men can't test for every strain but shouldn't I at least go and see the doctor to receive a test to determine if it's a dehabilitating strain? Is there an incubation period for the virus to show up on tests that would make going to the doctor be in vain? Even though she says that the strain in her body only affects cells on her cervix, can it still affect me?

We've been dating for about three months now and it has been going pretty well. We went on multiple dates to get to know eachother before we ever had sex. Since then, we have probably had sex now 40 or so times, each time while using a condom. The other night, after having sex she rolled over and said she had something to tell me. She said she had HPV but it was a strain that wouldn't affect me. I was extremely upset that she waited this long to tell me. I feel like if you really care about someone you would be upfront and honest about any information that may affect your loved one's body or health. I told her that I felt like it was a huge betrayal of my trust and that if she would keep this from me for so long, what else might you keep from me in the future? I know this may seem harsh, and I can definitely picture the situation from her angle; this must be hard to deal with for her, and the fear of driving away the person you love overcomes being upfront with this information. Also, I know she felt like HPV wasn't a big deal and her gynecologist agreed, but the bottom line is that it's still an STD and you should tell someone you really care about what they're getting into.

How to proceed is really bugging me. Do I end things all together and find a new partner based on the fact alone that I don't want to put myself at risk at contracting an STD, or will the majority of women I sleep with have HPV and put me at risk anyway? Will this remain in the back of my head every time we have sex and cause me to less enjoy the experience, or possibly not be aroused at all? Is her waiting this long to tell me and putting me at unknown risk an unforgivable betrayal of my trust? Or am I way over-reacting and this really isn't a big deal, health wise, trust wise, and relationship wise?

PLEASE HELP, I really need input from anybody that will give me their two cents. I told her that I need a few days to think about this, possibly see a doctor, and see how I want to proceed. Any info or opinion you can give me will really help!

THANKS!!!!!

i agreee with being honest and up front with people before taking part in sexual acts, so i understand you frustration about that.

now lets look at the larger picture here; if you had sex with just a couple girls before her there is actually a very high chance you were already exposed to a high risk stran of hpv; as it is very common. well over 90% of the time women who were exposed to hpv will never have a negative pap; and even those that do well over 90% of them will test negative for hpv within 3-24 months as the body will clear the virus. so chances are you were already exposed to a high risk stran if you had a couple partners before which i am assuming you did.

who knows you might have even passed a hpv strain on to her she did not have before unkowingly. my point being this is such a common virus that is undectiable, rampent, and rarley causes issues i think it is unfair to hold this aginst her; or to even assume you were never exposed or carried the viruis because there would be no way for you to know.

and yes in 99%+ of the cases men are not at a high risk for cancer when exposed to hpv. if she happened to have hpv 16 you are at a slightly higher risk for oral cancer; but keep in mind that is stil a very rare, rare, rare outcome even for being exposed to hpv in the oral region. less than 18,000 people a year get oral cancer from hpv as a partial risk factor; with 300,000,000 people in the US; you chances are better you get killed driving to work than getting oral cancer from being exposed to hpv 16 but something to at least keep in mind and get checked once a year but DONT DRIVE YOURSELF CRAZY OVER IT.

the more you learn about hpv i think the more you will understand; i dont think she meant to harm you in any way, chances are nothing will happen to you.