So, it's been a long time since I've checked in on the blog, but here I am. I've been reading a few posts from some new folks and see that people are struggling with the same things I am. Being diagnosed with HPV is not easy. I was diagnosed in May 2008. To this day, I still don't know what kind (high or low) I have. I had an abnormal pap and my ex boyfriend had genital warts, yet my doctor said she never saw any warts on me. My pap returned to normal by itself w/i 6mos and have all been normal since. My ex had two cryo treatments to get rid of the warts and has never looked back. He keeps saying it was an allergic reaction to something, but I don't think so. Anyway, he broke up with me and now has a new girlfriend. Me on the other hand...am still very confused and more mentally/emotionally scarred than physically harmed by the whole experience. I have not been sexually active since 2009. It's my own fault b/c everyone keeps saying its not a big deal, but in my mind it is. Even guys that I have tried to build a relationship with that I have told, didn't think twice about it. They asked a couple of questions, then moved on like I never mentioned it. I'm almost 28yrs and I need to move forward in the relationship/love area of my life. It has been hard b/c I really wish I had more defined answers. I hate mysteries. I wish I had skipped the pap that day in 08. That way I would have never known about it. I can't bring myself to have sex with anyone b/c I'm afraid I am invisibly contagious and will pass it to someone else. Ugh! So lost and I'm wasting my life away. I feel like I'm living a double life. In public I'm happy and going out with guys (knowing that I'm not getting close to anyone b/c of this wall of China I have put up), in private I'm sad and feeling like I've messed up my body and there's no second chance for me. Hate to be Debbie Downer, just needed a place to vent and be open.

Hey girl!

Thanks for stopping by and it's good to chat with you again, but I'm sorry to hear things are still hard to deal with.

I think this emotional side of HPV is not talked about enough. Clinics often think they've done enough by treating the warts or cervical cell changes that occur. Studies have shown time and time again that the emotional fallout is, not uncommonly, much harder to take than any medical implications.

It's also not uncommon for abnormal Paps to become normal again, and often this happens even without treatment. The immune response usually clears HPV over time (typically within 24 months) but it still leaves a lot of questions unanswered.

Almost everyone who has sex will get one or more HPV infections; in fact, it's uncommon for a sexually active adult to NOT have the virus. It's been described as the "common cold" of sex. Most people just never know it's there.

I'm glad you posted, and I think it's good for others to read your comments, because almost everyone is feeling something similar. Let me ask you a favor: would you mind if we run this thread in the next issue of HPV News? I think our readers should hear your perspective. No problem if you'd rather not...just let me know!

Best,
Fredo

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ASHA Moderator

Fredo,

I miss ya old message board friend

Thanks for the warm welcome despite my not so great update. I told myself this year I would be more open to building a relationship with a nice guy and not worry too much about the whole HPV thing. I think I have made very small steps towards doing that. I've been going on quite a few dates. I just haven't been putting in the effort of making anything work. I need to work on getting over the fear of a physical encounter. Anywho... I'm trying over here. I'm tired of being single and sexless in the city. Lol!

And I don't mind at all if you run the thread. TTYL

Thank you, I appreciate that.

Glad to hear you're dating and definitely understand being gun shy about going to the next level. Baby steps may be what you need, and kudos for getting out there. Check in sometime, always great when you pop in!

See ya,
Fredo

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ASHA Moderator