I will eventually get to my questions but want to share some background info first. The good part...I am happily married and been monogamous for about 18 years and have the most wonderful wife and daughter. Although my wife and I have not had actual intercourse for a few years, we are otherwise intimate (as she had gone through menopause and intercourse had become just too painful). Hormones are not an option.

The bad part. I have, over the years, seen numerous doctors (17 or more) and none have said that what they see is anything other than ‘normal’ skin bumps. Some doctors were family doctors and others were dermatologists, some were doctors at the County Health Clinic and one in particular was the Director of the HPV Clinic at the County Health Dept. - whom I’ve seen twice along with her colleague. She had said to me, that she has seen just about everything there is to see and neither time did she feel that what I am seeing are warts. Virtually each doctor has told me that everything is normal. One doctor put an acidic wash on the area and another used a special type of light and a magnifying glass, all inspections were visual. Another doctor kind of “felt” the area and said that, if they are warts, can sometimes be detected by touch. Also, my wife has regular Pap tests and none have ever resulted in an abnormality.

All that said, I still cannot shake the feeling that the “wrinkled” or bumpy skin, around the under side of my foreskin, are warts. The emotional toll and stress are consuming me. Every day is a fight with shame and stress, and I need a sleep aid to get through the night. I am otherwise exceptionally healthy, as I have a great diet and I am an endurance athlete. Now, my questions.

First, is it possible to have an area with warts remain then same for many years? Second, if they are indeed warts, wouldn’t they have grown in size or spread (changed in some way)? Third, the area in question seems to only be along the “line” of the circumcision, could warts naturally follow that ‘line’? Fourth, should I try and accept the numerous diagnosis and try and put this behind me? This is difficult to do, as every time I go to the bathroom I see this ‘wrinkled’ area. For most people, I would assume, about 20 diagnosis would just about cinch it. Fifth, if they would be warts, what impact would it have for my wife? Lastly, am I just being OCD over the issue?

I try and tell myself that – even if they are warts, there is no dramatic health threat to my wife. As I have seen from ASHA’s site, the type of HPV that causes warts are different than varieties that may lead to cervical cancer. This really doesn’t help emotionally though. I am really looking to ease my anxiety and worry. Many thanks for this wonderful forum!

Anxiety_ridden.

Thanks for posting and I'm sorry this has been so difficult for you. It sounds as if you've done much reading, research, and questioning about HPV and genital warts so there's probably nothing helpful I can add with regard to symptoms and the like.

You have more than done what is normal in terms of receiving a diagnosis for warts, and from your post it seems you've even seen someone (or two) who has particular expertise in HPV. While we aren't in position to offer medical advice, I can tell you that it doesn't seem likely so many physicians would all be mistaken. I think you hint at the answer (and perhaps the main issue) with a couple of your questions about whether or not you should accept what the doctors are telling you.

Why do you think it's difficult for you to accept the medical opinions you've received? It seems like you're being really hard on yourself, almost punishing yourself for something you may not even be guilty of doing. Do you have any thoughts about what might be lurking underneath all this anxiety and stress?

Fredo

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ASHA Moderator

The main focus of worry is the effect an HPV finding could possibly have on my marriage? My wife has a pretty good idea of my life prior to our relationship, in that I was fairly promiscuous in college. In my upbringing, personal excess and gratification were encouraged, and until I was able to become my own person (and at least partially mature), I lived accordingly. It wasn’t until after I was married that I told my wife I had gonorrhea in college (from an on again, off again girlfriend). However, I really haven’t shared ALL my past specifics with her.

The mind is a very powerful tool that can work for and/or against us. It seems I cannot get past what I see each day, and having read so much about HPV and its potential latency.

About 3 yrs ago we had a conversation that I initiated, and I told her that I had been to see a couple doctors and their findings. I had told her that secretly, I was worried that my biggest fear was that she would leave me if I had this STI. The spark for this worry and conversation was that she was having a biopsy done of her uterus to verify issues related to menopause. At the time I had misunderstood, and thought they were doing a biopsy of her cervix. So... my real detective work set in and of course, HPV was the main topic related to biopsies of the cervix. My panic soared and has stayed elevated despite her clean bill of health all around.

I guess that I am stuck on what I can see, and for some reason am having trouble accepting the numerous doctors diagnosis. Perhaps, feeling guilty of my past? Knowing I cannot change it, but am a better person today because of it. I try and reflect on past experiences and use those to look forward in many areas of my life.

I cannot thank you enough for this forum, and any advise you could offer would be comforting and appreciated.

THANK YOU. Anxiety_ridden.