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PostPosted: Mon Mar 26, 2007 2:41 pm 

Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2007 1:33 am
Posts: 3
Hi Everyone….I’m writing a research paper for my Women’s Health Issues class about HPV. The paper involves a political or community outreach component, and I’ve decided to compile stories (possibly in zine format, and hopefully distributed to clinics or sex education organizations) about advice on how to disclose the fact of having an STI to a potential sex partner. Personally, I have found this incredibly stressful, and have yet to devise a dignified, painless way to go about it.

So, I’m seeking stories. These are things I want to address:

*Successful experiences, or discussions that didn’t go so well, or maybe proved to be learning experiences.

*Has a potential partner ever said no to sex because of your disclosure, or revealed that he/she has one too?

*Various reactions from partners and how you dealt with them

*Advice on when in the relationship to have the conversation. What if it’s a one-night stand? Is it always necessary to tell the other person, and if not, what are the deciding factors?

*How to alleviate potential fears that your partner might have. What about questions that don’t really have answers (or don’t have good ones, such as “Will a condom protect me from HPV?”)?

*The issue of trust


Basically, I’m thinking of this compilation as a resource for someone who is unsure about how to be sexually active with an STI while being concerned for their partner’s well-being, as well as their own feelings. I’m hoping to have enough stories within two weeks. They will all, of course, be totally anonymous.

Thanks for your help!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Apr 20, 2007 3:49 am 

Joined: Fri Apr 20, 2007 2:43 am
Posts: 15
Location: California
I think that you need to learn as much as you can so when those questions do come up you are ready to answer them. I think you just need to be upfront and honest about it instead of waiting. And i think you need to be prepared in your heart and mind for the possibility of rejection. Some people will freak out and others will understand, but i think that if you are open and honest it might be easier for all involved and could have a better out come, but its an incredibly hard thing to do to tell someone that you care for that you have and std. Be strong! Just be prepared that it might not go well, but hope for the best. And if they take it badly then you dont want to be with them anyway. There are people out there that will understand, and that will work with you to be safe and have a good relationship. Good luck! It's gunna be hard but you can get through it!

_________________
Bad things may happen to you, but it is the way we deal with them that make us who we are


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 Post subject: my success story
PostPosted: Wed May 09, 2007 9:13 pm 

Joined: Tue Apr 24, 2007 9:07 pm
Posts: 5
I am nineteen and my boyfriend and I have been dating for about 8 months. Around a month ago I was diagnosed with genital warts. My doctor was very insensitive (I have found a great new one since) and basically just said "you have HPV, use this cream" and that was the end of it. I saw my boyfriend right after I was diagnosed crying my eyes out. It was terrible. I made HPV sound like a death sentence, because at the time it was. He was really upsetted by this. He had never had sex before, just genital contact with another girl. So, of course we both thought that it was "my fault". After hours and hours of research, I found out that it could be so much worse and that he could have given it me as well. I explained to him facts, statistics, and everything else I knew about the virus. After talking with him, we both felt much better about the entire situation. We still do not have sex, but find other ways to be intimate. It is not a desirable situation, but I thanks God because it could have been so much worse.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat May 12, 2007 6:43 pm 

Joined: Sat May 12, 2007 6:23 pm
Posts: 4
Location: NC
*Successful experiences, or discussions that didn’t go so well, or maybe proved to be learning experiences.

*Has a potential partner ever said no to sex because of your disclosure, or revealed that he/she has one too?

*Various reactions from partners and how you dealt with them

Pretty much all have been cool about it. Some a bit surprised at first b/c they think only promiscuous people have STD's and many don't know about HPV anyway. I'm the one educating them.


*Advice on when in the relationship to have the conversation. What if it’s a one-night stand? Is it always necessary to tell the other person, and if not, what are the deciding factors?

I've had the conversation a few months into the relationship when things were moving to being sexually active or a few weeks. Just depends. I normally choose a time when we are just hanging out. I tell them about it, how to protect, and offer them written information.

I don't do one night stands.

You should always tell a person you are having sex with about your HPV or any other STD.


*How to alleviate potential fears that your partner might have. What about questions that don’t really have answers (or don’t have good ones, such as “Will a condom protect me from HPV?”)?

I'm honest and tell them about what previous partners have experienced or not. No one has contracted my warts or at least have not had visible symptoms. I tell them that condoms aren't 100%.

I also give them the stats that more than 50% of people carry HPV and I just assume every potential partner has it.


*The issue of trust

What about trust? I think they trust you more for telling them and wanting to protect them. It sort of bonded us if you can say that.


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