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National Cervical Cancer Coalition

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PostPosted: Mon Jun 15, 2009 8:58 am 

Joined: Mon Jun 15, 2009 8:53 am
Posts: 1
Location: London
HIV/CD4, To test or Not to test... That is the Question

I believe now, that the testing part is the most difficult one. Is in fact where everything began for me and the most difficult part of all. In my case, testing was what kept me attached to the fear of being sick.

At this point in life, I’m still not sure of anything and every day has become a new opportunity to remember a bit more of who I Am.
It hasn’t been easy to get rid off all the fear and insecurity about this whole HIV thing. I wish I had never gone through this but now that I’m in the game my only desire is to learn enough about My self and the purpose of my life.

I could say that the most difficult part has been not belonging to any basket and the feeling of loneliness and uncertainty in this journey called life when I don’t agree with the rest, but it also has given me the great satisfaction of knowing that I’m willing to discover whatever this HIV business is all about. I’m only certain of one thing, the desire to brake free, free from all the collective fear and guilt; the tears and desperation; the sickness and unconscienceness of this world.

Of course I believe in sickness and in health, illness and recovery, doctors and medicines. However, I also believe that all that happens in One life is being attracted by One self and whatever is being attracted becomes an opportunity to grow and evolve as humans and souls.
I have people saying to me, how stupid and immature I am for denying the HIV=AIDS=DEATH (without retro-viral treatment) dogma and I want to clarify that I don’t deny anything but accept nothing either, specially when having so much contradictory information everywhere, having doctors and scientists from all over the world not being able to agree with each other, when everybody holds to their own Truth as if there’s nothing else.

So, when there’s SO MANY people and information disagreeing with each other... who could we listen to, who could we trust with our own life... WHO?... but Our-Self.

I can say that in my process, I’m learning to LISTEN more than anything else. Listen to my body when it says: I’m healthy and more important, I can heal myself when needed; When my mind says: I’m free and more important I can free myself from all chains, wantings and madness; When my soul says: I am perfect, I am God, for I’ve been created to love and there’s nothing else I should worry about, for everything else is simply temporary. Time and space are a creation of Mind and with it, one day all will disappear and I will remember that the eternal Oneness of God will be all that it is, has been and will be...

NO, I DON’T TEST FOR HIV- CD4 anymore, For in my mind testing (doubting) is validating and I can NOT validate the idea that I’m not in control of own body...But that's just me.
Many have broke free and healed themselves and not only from two-faced viruses like HIV but from cancer and many more devastating circumstances and that shows me that is possible. A possibility I’m willing and eager to try out.

The most difficult part is to believe and I DO... so the rest must be much easier.

And You... what do you believe?

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