Hi,

Not happy to be here, but very glad I found this site

I am a 40 something female that had a breakout begin last week and confirmed by a doctor today (no test- visual confirmation). I have one visable lesion that hurts like hell.

I was celebate for a year before beginning a new relationship 4 months ago. Last week, I was hit by the signs of a yeast infection unlike itching I have never felt before. I then found a spot that became sore...then painful as hell, like a pin was sticking in it. I came down with flu-like symptoms about the same time. I told my boyfriend last weekend I was having "issues" and we avoided sex (thank God) but when it did not get better...well, today I had it checked.

My boyfriend is absolutely forlorn about it...not mad at me, but feeling totally responsible for "hurting" me. I'm not feeling to great about it either, but if he did give it to me- I am sure he had no idea he had it.
He will go get a test on Monday...to find out if he does or dosent for sure. He has never had any signs.

I wonder about the possibility of my having it silently until now? Both of us feel terrible about this. For me...I am coping pretty well- taking the rational approach and repeating the serenity prayer alot. Boyfriend is mad, because he thinks he probably gave it to me (since I have had no other sexual partners in a long time, nor anything that felt like this before). Could I have had this before? I can remember a couple of times I had local irritations, but none with a deep pain or a blister-like appearance.

Seems I would have noticed, it hurts ALOT! I feel all bruised and achy. And mentally, I feel so unclean.

Help...we need to know what the implications are for our future sex life.
I want to help him not feel so bad and angry at himself. I am sure he didn't know- if he did give it to me.

Any feedback is welcome!

Swandive ~

Hi there!
I am so sorry to hear of your diagnosis.

It was only last month that I suffered through my initial outbreak, so the experience is definitely fresh in my mind...

Yes, I felt the same sense of somehow not being "clean". I was shocked, scared, embarrassed, humiliated... I felt like I had done something wrong. I had always thought only hookers and tramps had herpes... little did I know. LOL

Have you read all the information on ashastd.org regarding the herpes virus? I found great comfort in just learning about herpes and realizing that it is NOT a disease, it's a virus. And actually, I have trouble thinking of it as an STD... it isn't transmitted through fluids, but from skin to skin contact.

Anyways... try to learn as much as you can, it will help a great deal with the mental and emotional distress.

I have questions for you... not meaning to be nosey, just trying to understand.

Did your Dr. take blood for lab work to verify the visual diagnosis? If not, you need to have this done. The reason is that it is very important to find out the HSV type that you have.

Also, you should be taking anti-viral medication. This will speed up the recovery process and get you feeling better. Did your Dr. prescribe this for you?

Myself, I have a genital infection of HSV type 1 (which prefers the oral area). So basically, my SO was infected over 20 years ago when he was very young and had a series of oral fever blisters; then hasn't had any symptoms since. And he never made the association of those fever blisters being herpes.

Something that I have learned on this message board... trying to track down the cause of the infection, or figure out who infected who, feeling guilty or getting angry... it's all a waste of time and energy. If you have it, you have it.

The fact that your boyfriend is willing to be tested, and is being supportive of you is the best course of action. You should both be supportive of one another and take comfort in that. Get yourself diagnosed by specific type, get some medication, and learn, learn, learn.

Oh, by the way, there are some really smart cookies on this message board (not me), and one of them will be around to answering your post also. Trust them, they have put my mind at ease soooo much!

Best of luck to you!
And you WILL feel normal again, I promise!

Sweethalo,

I APPRECIATE your reply so much!
I was not sure what to say, or how the b/f would react. I am taking comfort in the fact it looks we're mutually going to support each other however we can.

To answer your questions:

I was not tested/cultured yet. Plan to will wait and see what the b/f's test says, then test if indicated (for example, if he does not test + to GH) to see what we need to do to have careful safer sex. If he tests postive for GH, I assume there is my answer. if he has H1...well, I'll test and see if we are discordanant and consider meds.

Meanwhile, if I ever feel like having sex again (kind of an ewwwwwww thought this evening) we'll be careful. Please, if this is a bad strategy, someone please let me know? I am reading as fast as I can!!!

Doc perscribed Acyclovoir 3x a day/10 days/400 MG

I appreciate the help.
Sweethalo, I'm sorry to read about your diagnosis too. It helps to read about your feelings and experiences.

SwanDive

I encourage you to go get a baseline type specific herpes igg blood test this week yourself. That way you'll know if you've had this before and never knew it and it will also help you figure out if you have hsv1 genitally since your doctor messed up and didn't take a lesion culture from you. The only way to accurately diagnose hsv1 genitally is thru a lesion culture and typing but if you are completely hsv negative now and your bf is only hsv1+ and when you repeat your blood test in a few months it's also hsv1+ then you can make the assumption that you have hsv1 genitally. Same with if you are hsv2+ on your blood test and your man is hsv2 negative then you know you had this since before you met him. Also Visual exams are wrong 1/3 of the time so it's recommended that you confirm it with either a lesion culture and typing or a type specific herpes igg blood test. Your doctor should get in the practice of doing lesion cultures and typing on obvious symptoms - preferably a pcr swab since it's more accurate.

When your bf gets his blood drawn next week - you can post the numeric results here for help with them . I just need to see the numbers - ie hsv1 igg 6.1 and hsv2 igg .34 or whatever they are. Same with when you get your blood drawn.

The herpes handbook and the patient counseling video at www.westoverheights.com are both terrific resources to learn more about herpes at and what it means to live with it. I recommend both you and your bf check them out when you have the time to learn more.

betsy