My boyfriend and I just broke up about a month ago. I felt he needed some space and since he had just went through a divorce shortly before us dating I felt it would help. Well I was with him, and 2 weeks later I have a breakout. I was diagnosed with HSV-1. Now here is the question. His ex wife has HSV-1 on her mouth (Even their daughter and her mother have it too) Now they were married for 13 years. He claims he has never had a breakout. I remember he had one but he said it was a clogged pore. My ex boyfriend has now gone back to the exwife and can't figure out how I got the disease since he CLAIMS his test came back negative. What gives? Is he a carrier or just a liar. Can you be with someone for 13 years, have kids together and not get the disease? I got tested before us dating and I was ok.

Sorry I have reading all over this site, and decided to finally post my question which is about the exboyfriend.
I know he must feel like crap about it, and I know a simple acknowledgement or an apology would help tremendously, but....
Could you be with someone who has HSV-1 for 13 years, and not contract it? I know they weren't careful because he told me one of her boyfriends called him to tell him the exwife gave it to him. He claims to think that cold sores on the mouth and genital herpes couldn't be the same. I told him on the mouth it's called cold sores and in the area down there it's genital herpes...Same virus different places. He said she has never had anything down there, I told him cuz her penetration point was her mouth. And I am sure she has performed oral on him during 13 years. So....Can you pass the virus along but not actually have it?

Trying ~

Hi there!
I'm fairly new to this whole thing myself, but I will share with you what I do know, and one of the more knowledgeable folks on this board will be around soon enough to give you more answers.

As for your question... "Can you be with someone for 13 years, have kids together and not get the disease?"... I think the answer to this is Yes. Yes you can be with someone for this period of time and not become infected.

I have seen other posts (on this board, I think) from people who have lived this experience. The one inparticular, that I remember, was from a man who is HSV-2 postive, married and had a child with a woman, and she still tests negative 15 years later.

The reason that this is possible is because the virus remains inactive for long periods, and may actually only be active as little as a few days per year. Which reduces the chances of exposure to the virus. And of course using condoms, taking anti-virals daily, and all the precautions help too.

I have had contact with my SO for 2 1/2 years, and didn't have any signs or symptoms until an intial outbreak last month. Turns out he had the good ole' fashioned type 1 virus that causes fever blisters... he hadn't had an outbreak in over 20 years and had no idea that those fever blisters were HSV. And by my fantastic luck, the virus must have been shedding. Just a crazy fluke!

Now, does that mean that your ex-boyfriend is being truthful - I really have no idea... but the scenario is possible.

I didn't know anything about the herpes virus until my little outbreak of "kitten pox" (giggles to herself). I was shocked to find the statistics regarding the percentage of Americans infected with type 1 and type 2.

I like to think of myself as knowing what's going on in the world, but I was clueless! Anyways, I hope this information is helpful. And if not, one of the gurus will be around to answer you shortly.

Best of Luck!

Without seeing your ex bf's test results it's hard to comment on them. Unless I see results myself - I assume that they didn't actually get tested - it's just the way I am. I'm guessing from your post you didn't see them either? Either he didn't get tested and is just feeding you a line or he did get tested. If he did get tested then the options are he's still feeding you a line or he's one of the 10% of folks who the blood test misses a hsv1 infection on. Even the best tests we have today still miss 1 out of every 10 hsv1 infections. At this point we might never know. Even if he is hsv1+ it's more likely that it's an oral infection and not a genital infection. Almost all cases of hsv1 genitally are acquired thru oral sex - not thru genital sex.

You say you were tested for std's recently. Did you see them yourself to know that indeed you were tested for herpes? Most clinics still do not include hsv on their routine std testing so it's best to see the results for yourself and post them here instead of just assuming that yes you were tested.

How were you diagnosed as having hsv1 genitally? Lesion culture and typing that came back as hsv1?

So does it matter who you got this from? Not at all since you are no longer with the man you assume you got it from. What's important is knowing what you have for future partners. If you had a lesion culture and typing that came back as hsv1+ then you know you have hsv1 genitally. From what studies we do have on hsv1 genitally we know that at least 25% of folks who have it genitally also have it orally - whether they ever get an obvious cold sore or not. Those studies are based on just folks who got obvious cold sores unfortunately and not on swabbing of the oral area for a few months so chances are good that the odds are higher that you also have it orally ( the vast majority of folks who have hsv1 orally never get obvious cold sores to know it ). Without an obvious cold sore there's no way to know but it's something to keep in mind for future relationships if your partner is hsv1 negative. You are more likely to transmit an oral hsv1 infection than a genital hsv1 infection though over all you are still more likely not to transmit it at all.

when it comes to hsv1 genitally - it's considered the "milder" form of genital herpes. Not milder as in less painful but milder as in less recurrences and less shedding of the virus. ~ 50% of those who have it never get another obvious ob. Of those who do the average is 1 additional ob the first year and then 1 ob every other year. Only a small percentage of folks with hsv1 genitally get ob's more often. It only sheds about 3% of days so it's not likely to be transmitted to a partner. If a partner also has hsv1 orally then it's not likely they'll contract it genitally later on. It's always best to err on the side of caution and avoid sex during obvious genital symptoms if your partner doesn't also have hsv1 genitally. Most folks with hsv1 genitally do not benefit from daily suppressive therapy since you aren't having a lot of ob's and aren't shedding very often but it's totally your choice.

betsy

Thank you folks for responding. Betsy...I am a person that wants all the facts, and I do want to know where I got it. Before sleeping with this man I was fully tested to make sure I didn't bring anything to our relationship and him telling me he was ok too. Here's where I am trying to work thru the anger. I am honest always. To be with someone that could put me in jeapardy is not honest. Plus he is trying to keep the door open incase things don't work out with ex. He did have a lesion...He even took antibiodics for it, of course telling me it was an infected hair folicle. He had the swollen lymph node in the groin area and drainage from the lesion...But hey it was an infected hair folicle. Then he tells me that her cold sores and genital herpes aren't the same thing. I had a swab from the site and it is what it is your right...I do want to move on. And like you said...This is just the way I am too...I know I have caught him in lie after lie. But could he just be a carrier. It's ironic...his wife and I both have it but not him... So your saying that if we had sex...his site being that inner thigh area he couldn't give me genital. HSV1 Genital to Genital can't happen? Only Oral to genital? I think his exwife has the oral, gave to him that way, he now has genital, he can't give to me genital?

It really does sounds like an infected hair follicle. If it was draining stuff it's more likely to be a bacterial infection than herpes. No reason to doubt him about that. Also even though I hate to side with him - I think unfortunately you'll find that the majority of people have no idea that hsv1 is the cause of cold sores and that you can transmit it to the genital area. He very well might not have known that you could before all this ( and neither does his other partner either ).

You can transmit hsv1 from genitals to genitals - it just usually doesn't happen that way. It's more likely he has hsv1 orally and transmitted it to you thru oral sex.

As I said - just double check your last std testing results to make sure you were tested for herpes. the majority of clinics do not test for it.

It doesn't sound like he's someone you really want to keep in your life anyways. You don't trust him and he's trying to keep it so that if things with his ex don't work out he can come back? close that door and lock it!!! Move on to a more healthy relationship.

betsy

Thanks....I am just trying to understand all this. I am a grown woman with 2 young girls, and I thought I was being safe. I feel so stupid. But your right. I am going to meet a wonderful man that is going to accept me the way I am with all my faults. It's hard because I spent almost 2 years with this person only to have it end this way. Your right maybe it was a infected pore. I ASSUMED because she has the oral HSV that it had to come from there...Considering he was sleeping with me and her...I was just trying to figure out if he could really go untouched. And the fact it is a coincedance that she has oral and I have genital. So maybe I got it from my ex 6 years ago maybe...and it just came out now.
Thanks so much again