I am so sorry to hear of your diagnosis.
It was only last month that I suffered through my initial outbreak, so the experience is definitely fresh in my mind...
Yes, I felt the same sense of somehow not being "clean". I was shocked, scared, embarrassed, humiliated... I felt like I had done something wrong. I had always thought only hookers and tramps had herpes... little did I know. LOL
Have you read all the information on ashastd.org regarding the herpes virus? I found great comfort in just learning about herpes and realizing that it is NOT a disease, it's a virus. And actually, I have trouble thinking of it as an STD... it isn't transmitted through fluids, but from skin to skin contact.
Anyways... try to learn as much as you can, it will help a great deal with the mental and emotional distress.
I have questions for you... not meaning to be nosey, just trying to understand.
Did your Dr. take blood for lab work to verify the visual diagnosis? If not, you need to have this done. The reason is that it is very important to find out the HSV type that you have.
Also, you should be taking anti-viral medication. This will speed up the recovery process and get you feeling better. Did your Dr. prescribe this for you?
Myself, I have a genital infection of HSV type 1 (which prefers the oral area). So basically, my SO was infected over 20 years ago when he was very young and had a series of oral fever blisters; then hasn't had any symptoms since. And he never made the association of those fever blisters being herpes.
Something that I have learned on this message board... trying to track down the cause of the infection, or figure out who infected who, feeling guilty or getting angry... it's all a waste of time and energy. If you have it, you have it.
The fact that your boyfriend is willing to be tested, and is being supportive of you is the best course of action. You should both be supportive of one another and take comfort in that. Get yourself diagnosed by specific type, get some medication, and learn, learn, learn.
Oh, by the way, there are some really smart cookies on this message board (not me), and one of them will be around to answering your post also. Trust them, they have put my mind at ease soooo much!
Best of luck to you!
And you WILL feel normal again, I promise!