Oh sweetie - sorry to hear that such a common and relatively stupid virus as herpes is causing you this much grief
It's unfortunate that we are taught so little about herpes in general that when we hear the word herpes our first inclination tends to be "OH MY GAWD" and we want to head for the hills
25 years after Time magazine published their infamous cover on "the scarlet H" we are still all walking around with giant red H's on our foreheads with folks running the other way
Asha just published a study on how the stigma is still going strong but why it is I have no idea. 1 out of 4 adults in the US has hsv2. Many more have hsv1 orally and/or hsv1 genitally. You can't spit without hitting someone with some form of herpes simplex either orally and/or genitally! I wish they'd do a better job at educating people on it in public schools and colleges so that they'd better understand it instead of running from something they know nothing about .
Having lived with hsv2 myself for 21 years I have first hand knowledge of how for the most part it's literally a pain in the butt. Fortunately it's fairly controllable and even the most simple of precautions greatly reduces the chances of being transmitted to a partner. Of course convincing your bf of this - that look at how little effort you both took since you've been together and he's still negative - is easier said than done sometimes. It sounds like right now he probably has a bullhorn shouting "HERPES" at him in his mind whenever he's thinking sex or even physical contact with you. I'm sure you read here already that I"ve been dealing with rejection myself lately - met a new man, we dated for over a month and really seemed to click on many levels and as soon as I said - I have genital herpes - well let's just say I could make ice cubes on him now. When we talked about it more he said that even though the rational part of his mind knows that a 1% risk each year of contracting it ( if we used suppressive therapy and condoms as well as avoid sex during obvious symptoms ) is very reasonable - he fears that should he contract it that he could never date again because he couldn't tell folks he has it like I do. Yeah I guess that is kinda reasonable thinking in this day and age where relationships in general don't last but even I have a hard time grasping the way he feels. to me herpes is the least of my baggage. We've still had a few dates but I have a feeling I"m wasting my time
It's been hard for me to deal with. That said - the last guy I dated long term - took a few weeks to deal with the idea of my having herpes but then he did come around once he realized how small potatoes herpes was compared to what we had together. Before all this I've only ever had 1 fellow decide it was too risky. Most of the folks I know who have been living with herpes for awhile now have had similar experiences.
Big hugs sweetie - I wish I could help you more with this and wave my magic wand and make all your hurt go away. Counseling to talk about it hopefully will help him work thru his fears and strengthen the relationship in general. Hopefully he realizes that he's making much ado about nothing and comes to his senses to see just how damn lucky he is to have found a wonderful woman like yourself to spend the rest of his life with