I just was told today by my doctor that it is higky likely that I have Herpes. The subject says exactly what I'm feeling right now.

But there is something else I'm feeling: Anger.

Not at myself, and not at my partner (doctor says it is more likely that he gave it to me, rather than me having it previously.)

The thing that is making me mad is that I'm hearing that testing for Herpes isn't something that is done without you asking for it directly.

It also seems that about 6 years ago, and again about 4 years ago, when I asked for my doctor to run tests for ALL STDs on me so that I was sure I was fine (found out my boyfriend was cheating on me and was worried even though we always used protection)...that they didn't do one for Herpes. Doesn't wanting to be tested for ALL STDs sound like it would include this one too?

So, it seems that it is possible that either my current boyfriend, or myself, could have been infected for some time without knowing it. Even though we've both been tested for STDs, that Herpes isn't one that is tested for unless you ask.

I had no idea this one common practice. Is it? Has anyone else heard this info? And if so, why on earth is a disease with no cure not being tested for more freqently? All those years ago when I was age 21, and again 23, I asked to be tested for ALL of them. Why wasn't Herpes included? They tested for HIV, gohnorea, clamidyia, etc...but not Herpes?

So now I'm faced with having this illness, with my partner having it too, and not knowing when or how it showed up. The one thing I can be sure of is that if I did contract it all those years ago there are only a couple guys who it could have been from, and I didn't give it to anyone because I was not sexually involved with anyone for four years, up until this past month. If it was me who had it, I also have to deal with possibly giving it to my boyfriend, a guy I'm crazy about, and the effect it will have on the great relationship we've had so far.

If he is the one who had it (which my doctor said is more likely as mine looks like a first breakout) I have to deal with what could come out of it on his end. Did he know and not say anything? I highly doubt it, but anything is possible. If he didn't know, did he get it before he started seeing me? Or after? Was there some girl once we started dating that he fooled around with? Again, don't want that to be the case, but it is possible.

I know exactly how you feel. I just found out for sure last thursday that I was positive for Herpes. I asked my doctor if I was tested for Herpes when I was tested back in May for what I thought was ALL std's. She said that it isn't common practice to test for it unless you think you have had contact. That upset me, because despite her thinking that I could have just gotten it from my boyfriend, I don't know now. I have to talk to him this weekend (we are long distance) and I don't know how its going to turn out. I don't understand why so many people in the world have it and they are concerned about it beign on the rise, but don't do a blood test for it when you ask for other STD tests. Its sad. I'm not sure how I got it either. I hope after I talk to my boyfriend this weekend that we will still be together, but I guess I won't know...

Blueeyz, not happy at all to hear that you're dealing with the same situation that I am.

I talked to my boyfriend about everything I mentioned in my earlier post, and so far everything has been fine.

He was shocked when I told him. He had no idea that this STD is transmitted so easy. He was scared that he had given it to me, and then was confused because neither of us had shown any kind of symptoms of this illness, until now. He agreed to go to his doctor, although I think he is dragging his feet a little on calling because he is scared of finding out he has it too, or that he IS the one who gave it to me.

I'm not placing blame if it was him, and he isn't placing blame if it was me. The fact of the matter is that we both asked to be tested for "ALL STDs", and it looks like I was definetly not tested for this one (I will know for sure on Tuesday when I see my old records.) He said he too asked to be tested for all and I explained to him he might not have been tested for Herpes.

He was freaked out when I told him about it, but I didn't know that until the next day because he hid it very well and just focused on what I needed.

He was comforting. He didn't shy away from holding me, or kissing me, or hitting on me, or joking around about us making a baby. He wanted me to stay the night with him, and he wasn't shy about hiding his disappointment when I wouldn't. I stayed the next night because I was feeling a little better, and I think it was a good thing for the both of us to wake up in each others arms, to know that the other one isn't scared to be close because of this situation.

Right now the biggest thing that I'm worried about is the shadow this disease is going to cast on our vacation this week. It isn't going to be the vacation that either of us were plannning as far as being intimate goes, but hopefully that will not put too much strain on our time away.

I went and visited my bf this weekend, but i was staying at my sisters. I didn't get to tell him friday night, but sat night everyone went out and we stayed in to watch movies. I was sitting there and looked at him and he asked what was wrong so i told him. He was shocked and when he said he was tested for STD's not that long ago, I had to explain that they don't test for Herpes unless you have symptoms when you go in.

I explained as much as I could and told him I didn't know if I'd had it or if he had it and that he had to get tested. He stayed there and continued to show affection to me, so it seems like things will be good. He stayed the night, so that really made me feel better. I just wish it wouldn't be so long until i get to see him again.

I don't know how this will play out in the future as you never know if you will have an outbreak, but for now, I'm going to make the best of what we do have. I hope your vacation goes well.

Hello,

It was interesting to read the previous posts. I understand how difficult finding this out can be. Just know that it DOES get better.

I recently found out my new boyfriend has Herpes. It was very difficult for him to tell me this, but I know that I love him for he is, not his condition. We have had unprotected sex while he was not experiencing any symptoms. This has me a bit wiery due to the fact that I have not been tested. I have not have any symptoms thus far and it has been close to two months now.

We are planning our future together in regards to marriage. Are there any treatment that couples take to prevent the spreading of this? We do want kids together and I am concerned about the times when this condition is spreadable and when it is not.

I do to think that it sucks that you have to ask specifically for certain tests when it comes to getting tested for "all stds". I will be sure to ask my doctor soon.

Hi Unknown,

Welcome to our message boards. Read more on prevention strategies re: genital herpes at http://www.ashastd.org/herpes/herpes_le ... ions.cfm#7. The text below is taken directly from the pages to which the link above will take you:

When there are no symptoms present, there is still the possibility of asymptomatic reactivation. Using latex condoms between outbreaks for genital-to-genital contact can reduce the risk of transmission. While condoms don't always cover the potential sites of viral shedding, they offer useful protection against the virus by protecting or covering the mucous membranes that are the most likely sites of transmission. Furthermore, keep in mind that condoms also help reduce the risk of acquiring another STD.

One antiviral medication for herpes, valacyclovir (Valtrex®), has been shown to reduce the risk of herpes transmission. When a person with a history of recurrent genital herpes takes 500 mg of valacyclovir daily, it can reduce the risk of transmission to a partner who does not have the virus by 50%. It's likely that a combination of suppressive valacyclovir and condoms provides greater protection than either method alone.

Hope this helps.

Best,
Fredo

_________________
ASHA Moderator

I understand how you feel. I got married in April of 2005. Prior to our wedding we both had std testing done. During our honeymoon, I broke out with a terribly painful rash. At first I thought it was a yeast infection but it seemed to get worse and more painful through out our trip. As soon as we got home I went to the doctor. She did a culture and blood tests. A few days later she asked me to come in and told me I had type 1 and 2 herpes. She said based on the levels it was a new virus and that I just got it. I told my husband who then talked to his doctor. His doctor did not do any testing on him and my husband did not request it even though I made it clear I wanted him tested. He just said, "if you have it, I have it". I became so angry with him for not owning up to it and for not being tested. We have since seperated. He throws it in my face all the time. How can we ever have relationships with other people when we have this virus. It makes me even more angry because I truly believe that he gave it to me and knew he had it. I feel like he is using it to force me to stay with him. I'm so ashamed and still feel so much anger toward him. Before seperating our relationship fell apart not only because of the virus, but many other insecurity issues he has. Now I am a single mom trying to figure out how to move on with my life and be able to meet people and enjoy a relationship with herpes. I do take valtrex daily and haven't had a break out since my first on our honeymoon.

Hi Charlie,

Welcome to our message boards. It sounds as if you've been through a great deal and I'm glad you found us.

You're not alone in feeling uncertain about approaching new partners. I suggest you go to the relationship section of our Herpes Resource Center Web site at http://www.ashastd.org/herpes/herpes_emotional.cfm. This will give you a good overview, perhaps a different perspective, and will include talking points for when you're dating someone and are ready to discuss herpes.

Let us know what you think and how we might be able to help.

Best,
Fredo

_________________
ASHA Moderator

I got a call last week from my doctor stating that I tested positive for HSV-1 and HSV-2. Luckily, my best-friend happened to be here when I got the call and was able to coerce my hysterically bauling self up off of the floor. I was horrified. I have been tested for what I thought was ALL STDs several times. I go 4 times a year because I have always been cheated on or something and never felt truly trusting of anyone. I should have been using protection, even with boyfriends I felt were loyal to me, but hindsight is 20/20. I never knew they were not testing for Herpes. I also did not know that if you didn't have symptoms you could still have it. Everyone has always said that if you have it...you will know. I also thought you had to actually have to be having an outbreak to test positive for it. Man, I have sure learned a lot in the past week.

Over the last month or so, I've been trying to work out a reconciliation with my ex-boyfriend. We have been broken up for about 7 months now and I'm afraid to tell him this because I'm afraid it will halt our plans. I don't know how long I've had it because I've never had any symptoms. I'm afraid he may have it to and not know. I'm hoping to have this conversation this weekend and after reading the above comments, I feel a little better knowing that there are others in my shoes. Thank you!!!

i feel the same way I've been geting std screenings every year not knowing they don't test for herpes or hiv unless you ask to be tested.

Those people who thought they were being careful and getting our STD tests, only to find out that they don't test for Herpes unless you ask for it?? I hear the excuse about how 80% of people have type 1 (cold sores) so it isn't as big of a deal, but it feels like a huge deal.

The guy I got this from who was mentioned in the very first post of this thread and I are no longer together. I came to realize he wasn't a very nice person and was only being supportive of what I was going through in life for as long as HE felt I should take to work threw it.

After the break up I realized that maybe he knew all along that he had this virus? He certainly turned out to be the kind of person who would be capable of a lie like that.

Now that I'm rid of him I don't know what to do. When I found out about this Herpes thing I was in a happy relationship, I believed I wouldn't have to worry about telling any other man about it because I was not going to be with anyone else.

Now that this is no longer the case I'm not sure what to do. I joined Match.com, but now I'm terrified of really making a connection with any of the guys on there because I don't want to get to the point of having to tell him about this; I'm barely using the membership as a result, what a waste of money.

So I ask myself: 'would I really want to be with someone who would not want to be with me anymore because of this?' The answer is how can I blame them? I'm not at all sure I wouldn't have gone running the other way had my ex known about, and told me about, his having Herpes first thing. So how can I fault anyone else for wanting to protect themselves from it?

Fact of it all is that most people don't know 80% of adults have type 1, and when they hear Herpes they think STD right away, not cold sores. Certainly doesn't help that many of those people don't show symptoms or even know that a cold sore is a symptom of it.

I'm the kind of person who would tell the truth about this to someone I'm in a relationship with. My doctor says I don't need to even mention the word herpes, just have a get cold sores; I think this is a little underhanded?; who ever heard of getting 'cold sores' on their genital area? Not many people I'm guessing....that is because it is known as an STD when you have those sores.

So what do I do? How do I get over this fear or rejection, a fear that was already in me, one that is just magnified 100 times now?

825 i feel the same way u do read my question i post last nite.

be happy you dont have aids, herpes is super common today millions have it. move on and learn.

http://stdsymptoms.blogspot.com/

I know this thread is old...
but I was reading the beginning entries and this same thing happened to me.
I went to my doctor back in September and requested to be tested for ALL Stds. I explained that I needed to be tested for EVERYTHING bc I recently found out that my now ex-fiance had been cheating on me. Testing was done and I was all negative.
I was just recently diagnosed with Herpes 2 weeks ago...and found out that I was NOT tested last September.

I am currently talking with lawyers about suing him. This practice had a nurse call to tell me about my diagnosis,with no information or offer of consultation. My doctor did not get back to me until this week.

Has anyone tried to sue for malpractice-??
I think my doctor should have to pay for what he did not do.

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~NYnative

It annoys me also that herpes isn't included in the test me for anything I can catch -phrase... Leaving the gyn's with a clean bill of health is very comforting, ESPECIALLy after asking to be tested for everything including AIDS. I agree that is total B.S.

Also, in reference to your looking for a new man: I also am on match and have concluded that I am worth it. Anyone who rejects me is not worth my time. I've also learned that the ones that I thought were going to be ok with herpes WERE NOT (church goer, honest, kind, perfect but a total chicken about learning what Herpes is..common) AND that the ones that I thought were going to be penis's about it..both ex-boyfriends were awesome about it. In fact I told them to make them stop calling me cause I was disgusted with myself --they reassured me that I'm awesome and have other redeaming qualities that really matter.

After all that, I learned that it makes sense that the people who have known me don't really care about H because they know I am a great person.

Focus on your postive qualities that make you who you are.