Hi Betsy,

I'm back with new questions... I'm newly diagnosed Hsv2 pos and my partner is neg. He wants to continue our relationship even though this is something I seemed to have had without knowing prior to our relationship.

I have a couple more questions for you. Using all of the precautions, condoms, no sex if I think I may have a bo, I'm on supressive therapy (Valtrex 500mg 1 X day).... my partner shaves his genitals. Is his having bare skin putting him at more of a risk? We avoid sex right after he shaves in case of any broken skin.

He is rather well endowed so even the largest condom on the market only goes 3/4 of the way up. He is very careful now to stay in that "zone" but is there any chance of transmission from fluids or it must be skin to skin? Do we know if it takes a light brushing of skin or what. This would be during what I call "secret shedding" when you don't know you are.

Also foreplay. Can he use his bare hand if he washs with soap and water after of should we just go with the latex gloves for safety.

Anybody else want to add safe techniques that work for them out there??

Thanks for your great answers ahead of time.

( I am way too much of a goofball today for you to be telling me how well endowed your man is honey....lol ... proceed with caution! )

Have you two considered ordering condoms online that might fit better? Condomania you can actually custom order condoms according to his measurements. Also different companies make different styles. Half the fun could be trying out new condoms don't you think? ( ok sweetie it's time to play scientific experiment again...he he he tonight's brand is brought to you by joe condom - ready , set , begin!!! )

Have I said lube, lube and more lube yet?

They've never really done any studies that I know of that looked at transmission rates in a partner due to shaving. As you said though in theory shaving would create microscopic ( and sometimes not so microscopic if you shave like I do ) cuts in the skin that would increase risk. I'm more of a fan of body hair trimming myself but that's certainly a personal preference. He's been shaving up until now and it hasn't been an issue so it's up to you two if you think it's worth changing or not.

as for foreplay - sweetie you are not a biohazzard!!! Really unless you have some sort of fetish that makes your man putting on latex gloves ( of course my visual is him putting on those yellow cleaning gloves...he he he ) be a turn on why would you want to do it? If you two are into playing doctor that would be one thing but for everyday foreplay there's really not enough risk of contracting the virus on his hands to make it worth it. If he has open cuts on his hands then he shouldn't be manually stimulating you until they are healed - for the reason that normal vaginal flora isn't so normal if it gets inside an open cut on the hand more so than becaus eof the risk of contracting herpes on his hands.

All my long term relationships have been discordant relationships. All of my partners have left the same way they met me - hsv2 negative. I've been on suppressive therapy more than I haven't which has helped a lot ( never took a study to prove that to me ). My condom use is usually just in the begining of a relationship - once my man decides he's ok with the small increased risk they usually go out the door too. We have oral sex. We have manual stimulation. Because this board is pg 13 I'll skip the rest of the details None of my other friends who have genital herpes and are in discordant relationships do anything more than that either - heck most don't even take suppressive therapy actually. You should be having fun in the bedroom - not always worrying about your herpes! You are doing all you can do to protect him. No need to break out the head to toe biohazzard suits for sex ( once again unless that turns you two on...he he he ). Relax

betsy

_________________
ASHA Moderator

Okay Okay I get it

By the way Condomania no longer sells the custom fit condoms. As of Jan 8, 2007 they are "temporarly unavailable". They were called "They Fit". We had just discovered them at about that time but it was too late. They say the sizing is fun because it is a custom paper pattern but you have to be careful of paper cuts.
Actually Trojan Max XL is the longest and widest on the market right now.
There is a longer one but it is not as wide and he needs width.

Hey. cut me some slack. I'm a newbie here, just diagnosed first part of Sept. After reading everything out there you do feel you are a Biohazard. I was rejected by one of my lovers who is still neg.
Yep that's me. One on each coast. West coast just wants to be "friends". East coast has way more class. (Way more of everything.) See now you have me doing it!!!!

So I am going to forward my questions and your answers to my partner and let him decide. He has read everything I have sent him and done a lot of research and reading on his own so I am very thankful for that. His feeling is that he feels safer knowing I have it and that I know it, than not knowing if someone else has it but doesn't yet know it.
I'm lucky to know him. I just sucks that he's on the wrong coast.....

As always Betsy your answers are gems and today your humor was priceless.

Who'd have thunk that perversion was more contagious than herpes? he he he

So condomania stopped custom making condoms eh? There goes my dream job - as the operator taking the custom measurements...he he he

betsy

_________________
ASHA Moderator