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PostPosted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 9:10 pm 

Joined: Sat Sep 20, 2008 8:59 pm
Posts: 8
This wonderful man has herpes and I do not. This raises many questions, and even though I have read at least five different .org sites about genital Herpes, I want to hear some personal testimonies.

There is a 30% chance of contracting Herpes if one doesn't use protection (During Episodes). So of course, immediately this gives little choice - we are damned with condoms for the rest of our lives. There are days 'once or twice a year' of viral shedding but one never knows when these are.

This is embarrassing but I am only asking this question because I want knowledgeable people's opinions, and I am anonymous.

How safe is oral sex? Can I contract anything from him going down on me? Is it better I use a condom when I give oral sex? I never used dams or anything like that so that would be strange for me.

What about foreplay? Touching and such must not be a problem as it is a sexually transmitted disease, yes?

I think I really love and want this person enough to take small risks, but nothing out of proportion. I want to please him, but I want to do it safely for myself even though that might sound selfish. But I am also not sure about the future. If things don't work out... Well, it's just a very hard question really. He has been sexually active with 9 other people after being diagnosed, and none of them received it because they were always well protected.

And, this is also embarrassing, but the anal area could have viral shedding too? Could this be transmitted through oral contact?

I realize this 'disease' is really blown out of proportion. After reading about it, and finding out that in fact it does not affect your immune system it gave me relief. People suffer mostly the emotional damage this brings, and they are damned by society to suffer because of not understanding. So, please, bear with me because I want to be one of these people who would understand.

Also, if you could please give me your own personal suggestions and advise of how 'you do things' I would truly appreciate it. Thank you.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 11:53 pm 

Joined: Mon Feb 05, 2007 11:47 am
Posts: 5443
Location: PA
I'm going to assume that you are female and your partner is male. If that's wrong -please correct me and I"ll correct my info a bit.

I have no idea where you got the 30% figure from. I encourage you to read the herpes handbook at www.westoverheights.com and stick to that ( or the info here on the main asha site too ). If you and your partner do nothing except avoid sex whenever he has obvious genital symptoms, you have about a 8-10% risk of contracting hsv2 from him on average over the course of a year. If he takes daily suppressive therapy, your risk is cut in half. Throw in condoms along with all that and you are looking at a 2-3% risk/year of contracting hsv2 from him.

Is he on suppressive therapy? Also ask him how he's confirmed that it's hsv2 he has genitally. It's not always hsv2 just because it's below the belt.

Have you been tested for herpes yet to know your own status? if not you need to do that too. Assume nothing.

So about real sex :) if he doesn't have oral herpes too, he can go down on you without risk. You can contract hsv2 orally by performing oral sex on him but the risk is pretty low to begin with. His taking daily suppressive therapy would mean he's reducing his shedding of the virus significantly so therefore your risk would be reduced even more. Anal sex - yes you can contract hsv2 anally. Once again, condoms and suppressive therapy greatly reduces that risk too. foreplay - condoms work best if applied when the clothes come off. You can contract herpes without actual penetration though it's not as risky as actual sex. Once again - suppressive therapy would reduce this too.

yeah I know - sometimes it sounds like you need a barrier of latex between the two of you for even looking at each other but really it's not that bad :) There is risk in everything and when it comes to herpes, common sense goes a long way as well as suppressive therapy would significantly reduce your risk all around. It's something I highly recommend in a new relationship for the peace of mind if nothing else. And remember this is all about your choice and his choice. If you both chose not to do anything but avoid sex during ob's that's a perfectly reasonable option too.

Feel free to keep asking more questions :)

betsy

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 21, 2008 8:42 pm 

Joined: Sat Sep 20, 2008 8:59 pm
Posts: 8
Betsy I'm so glad you and other people are so knowledgeable on this topic. You know from the moment he told me he had it I think I was in absolute love... the fact that a person won't make it pretty and tell me its actually risky is very sacrificial and beautiful. So, thank you for explaining how to have safe sex.

Yes I am a female, and from what you told me I will read the handbook as soon as I get my printer in (A week, I hate to read too much documents online, I'll print it out).

Basically, when having sex, use a condom. Have him take suppressive medicine. How long does it take for the medicine to kick in by the way?

During oral sex its fine if he goes down. I should put on a condom on him when I give him oral as you said.

But anal-wise... I'm not much into that but males have a prostate gland and I've been fetesizing about giving him a prostate massage and such. I know sounds weird, but him being straight he is very experimental and open hearted... So, if I do play with his ass, can I approach it with ... my tongue when he has no symptoms and on medicine? And also, err.. strap ons.... That shouldn't endanger me at all I am guessing since none of his flesh is going inside mine?

If this is really a 2 - 3 % risk with all protection and such a year I'm definitely game.

But for the future.. if I am to have a baby with a person who has herpes... Is it dangerous? I wouldn't much care about even contracting the disease at that point if i loved someone that much but I would care about the baby (I'm only 21, so I"m thinking.. 9 years ahead maybe...) I heard this can cause much complication if the baby got infected. Again, I am sorry to bother you with these questions if I can find clear answers in the herpes handbook but I assure you I will read it all as soon as i get my printer. Thanks Betsy and the gang! :)

P.S.


Foreplay and grinding against each other with his condom on sounds very... lame and almost too overprotective. Would he get offended? Is it really sincerely risky to do so if he goes on suppressive medicine and has no signs and such? Also, how is it I can contract it from oral sex when he has no symptoms since it is a flesh to flesh thing? Through my mouth I can get genital herpes? I find err.. swallowing a man's semen very natural from my first relationship (I only had one real relationship before this) And it will be quite a change for not being able to do so now.

Thanks again!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Sep 22, 2008 8:17 am 

Joined: Mon Feb 05, 2007 11:47 am
Posts: 5443
Location: PA
I swear I'm going to need a fan here at the computer with all these explicit questions being asked lately...he he he It gets a little hot in here - woohoo ;)

Ok so pleasuring your partner anally. If you are using a dildo or vibrator on him - not a risk to you. Using your finger - well be kind and lube it a little but no obvious symptoms and him being on suppressive therapy and it's really not going to be a risk of getting herpes on your finger. If you are a nail biter or have cracks or open wounds on your hands, avoid doing this until they are healed. If you are really paranoid they do make finger cots - kinda like mini condoms for a finger. Same goes with licking - it's really low risk when he doesn't have symptoms. Strap on - it's no different risk than naked foreplay - it could happen but it's not likely to happen. Just dahlin' - take it easy and slow on this man - you might give him a heart attack just suggesting some of these things to him you know...he he he


Suppressive therapy takes 5 days to start being fully effective. The biggest thing is him remembering to take it every single day.


Making babies. When it's time and you are ready to start a family together, get yourself a herpes igg blood test to see what your status is. If you are still hsv2- then if he hasn't been on suppressive therapy at that point, he should start and stay on it for the rest of your pregnancy. Once you are pregnant, consider using condoms again to further reduce your risk of contracting hsv2 from him while pregnant. At the start of your 3rd trimester, get retested again for herpes and if you are still negative it's actually recommended that you avoid sex until after you deliver. Should you contract hsv2 during your 3rd trimester, a c section regardless of if you have obvious lesions or not at the time of delivery is recommended. Should you be hsv2+ by the time you become pregnant, it's not an issue until the time of delivery and is a less than 1% risk of transmitting it during delivery if you don't have an obvious lesion at the time of delivery. But that's years in the future so when it gets to that point - come back here again - we'll leave a light on for ya :)

betsy

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Sep 22, 2008 11:51 am 

Joined: Sat Sep 20, 2008 8:59 pm
Posts: 8
Thanks Betsy!

Yeah I'm glad you don't know I'm your teach... Haha just kidding, I love this anonymous thing.

I hope I'm not being paranoid about this really.
I do want to have naked foreplay sometime and oral sex without his whole body wrapped in rubber with little holes for him to breathe through.

Right now my favorite statistic you gave me is the 2-3% chance, on suppressive medicine, with condoms and no signs

Is this still true to a naked blow job and cuddling?

And can you just give me your honest advise like: just go for it?


Also I called my nurse today and spoke to her. A few months ago I was told i have some abnormalities and 80% of people have it and its no big deal if i go check out.

Today I called again since i'm getting paranoid and apparently this 'abnormality' is called Human Pepiloma virus. I like burst into tears and went all mopey but realized its really no freaking big deal. With modern medicine your immune system suppresses it. 80% of people have it. Men are not affected by it, but they are carriers. You just gota have frequent check ups. Nurse told me I don't even have to tell partners I have it because its so common its UNLIKELY a sexually active person doesn't have it. So now my face dried up and I think that's totally fine....

What do you think about that? I know i'm probably on the wrong forum but since I'm talking about my partner all the time I wanted to post this here.

Tomorrow I'm going to get tested again, just for the hell of it, and me and my man are going to a counseling session to be told everything you told us already. I spoke to my nurse, I'm speaking to you, I have all these materials.. maybe I am being paranoid. But its still so good to have a real person in front of you telling you how to finger a person .. LOL Just kidding. Strangely doctors react badly to these kind of questions.. I'd feel too shy to ask them so maybe I should just cancel that and go straight downstairs for some banana flavored condoms... 3 for 50 cents!!!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Sep 22, 2008 2:52 pm 

Joined: Mon Feb 05, 2007 11:47 am
Posts: 5443
Location: PA
3 for 50 cents??? oh my - send me a couple at that price would ya ;) Perhaps I'll find a man again one day and get to use them before they dry rot...he he he

Yes annonymous is good. It's hard enough to sit at a computer sometimes to type questions let alone if you were trying to look your doctor , who also is your neighbor perhaps, in the eye and say - well doc how about if I want to stick my finger up my man's rear end ;) Though really sometimes it's worth it just to see them turn red and stutter...he he he

My long term relationships have always been discordant ones. To be honest I've never really worried about anything but actual sex. I stay on suppressive therapy all the time for many reasons and when I feel like anything is going on down yonder, I keep my grammy panties on until things are back to normal. Usually we can find something to do for a few days that is still fun * wink, wink, nudge, nudge*. Oh and sometimes - they really like that wrapped in plastic with only a little hole to breathe in - never hurts to ask...lol.

I'm guessing you had a pap test come back as + hpv? Did you also have any abnormal cervical cells or just the + hpv? Also do you know if it was low risk hpv or high risk hpv? There is a hpv forum here but I can handle most hpv questions too if you want to just keep it easy and keep asking it all in this same thread :)

Do you need to talk to partners about your + hpv test? Well yes you should - I have to disagree with what the nurse told you about that. A recent study showed that putting the condom on when the clothes come off and not waiting until actual penetration reduced transmission of hpv by 80% I believe it was ( might've been 90, can't remember everything ). The thing is is that we don't have a commercially available test for males for hpv to know when they've been infected or not. I haven't heard any updates yet on gardasil for males - I think it was supposed to go in front of the FDA this year for approval but haven't heard when it's scheduled for.

betsy

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 Post subject: Viral Shedding
PostPosted: Tue Sep 23, 2008 5:52 pm 

Joined: Sat Sep 20, 2008 8:59 pm
Posts: 8
Okay so we both went to the doctor today and she's gonna pull my info from all the hospitals i've been to. The old lady was extremely helpful and like answered all my questions. She said that my HPV can actually be burnt out by my immune system and such so in the end it all depends on the normality or abnormality of pap! So I'm gonna get that done soon.

So I have two questions.

How dangerous was it for him that I received oral sex(when I didn't quite know it was HPV) Is he in any danger? Since I never had any warts and I just have the cancer causing cell threat he'll be okay yes?

And, The doctor said there is only ONE PERCENT of the cases that had viral shedding. Oh MY freaking god! She also said if anyone is diagnosed with herpes on the same day they outbreak and that same day they take the medicine they can actually NOT have another outbreak. Modern medicine rocks.

So, my man rarely gets the symptoms, maybe once a year? He only takes the viral stuff During them and he can feel the tingling sensation before he gets outbreak.

So Seriously, its not dangerous then for me to give him oral and swallow it (Stomach digests everything right..?) When he has no symptoms?

God Betsy all I want is to suck the man off and I gota ask you permission lol this is hilarious.

So did you want 3 banana and 3 chocolate banana nut fluff cone condoms then?


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 15, 2010 3:49 pm 

Joined: Wed Mar 10, 2010 3:40 pm
Posts: 9
Location: Durham
Why no answer to this question? It's the one thing I want to know too! Let's call it the 'flying semen issue'. During sex, semen can end up just about anywhere, so please outline what is safe/unsafe for a couple where the man is HSV2+ and the woman is not. I know unprotected sex is out of the question, but masturbation with flying semen is a different matter. Semen on hands or unbroken skin of legs, trunk, arms etc. - Safe/Unsafe? Semen on face - Safe/Unsafe? Semen in mouth - Safe/Unsafe? Semen on genital/anal areas - Safe/Unsafe?

Thanks in advance for addressing these hot and heavy issues!


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