Vary - how were you diagnosed? From a culture of the outbreak, or just visual? I had the same thing happen to me - diagnosed in January, been with the same man for 6 months (and no one at all for 4 months before that). Except when my boyfriend was tested, he was positive.
I was a little emotional with my doctor when I was diagnosed. My doctor told me that he didn't think that my bf needed to be tested, because herpes wasn't any big deal. He actually said "It's a virus, like the flu. You wouldn't be emotional about the flu. Think of it like you have a flu in your vagina." I was stunned. I really felt that he was protecting me, or maybe my bf. It's hard to explain, but I felt that he knew the truth - that although herpes is emotional for the individual who has it, the truth is that it is extremely common and in the overall scope of things, not that important, so why make such a fuss about who has it, who gave it to whom, etc.
I wasn't angry that my bf gave it to me (he didn't know that he had it) but I did want to know. I was diagnosed from a culture of the outbreak and the doctor refused to do a blood test to determine whether I had antibodies (which would tell me that I'd had the virus for a while before the outbreak) so I'll never really know if I got it from this bf or not. The doctor told me that it isn't important to know.
So I guess what I'm saying is... (1) I feel you, because doctors can be exasperating; (2) make sure that both you and your bf got accurate tests because it matters if you're trying to avoid spreading the virus; and (3) the truth is you could have gotten this 5 years ago and just never known that you had it. I have no idea about the toilet seat thing, but I agree that that sounds silly.