Betsy!!!!! He hugged and kissed me when I told him! He told me he thinks the world of me and thinks even more of me knowing I'm such a good person to say something. He told me I didn't do anything wrong-that I wasn't out sleeping around and that I just ran into some bad luck. He is such an amazing man and I just almost feel like I'm dreaming. He was so understanding! Basically told me that in the big picture of life this is so insignificant. I was like "are you an angel?" and we hugged and he was like "careful on the wings". oh my. I'm still floored that I did it, it went awesome, and now we can hopefully move forward with nothing holding me back. FYI- we are both still going to get tested. I'm still a worry wart. I can't believe how understanding he was. He's a hot, smart, funny guy. I'm so glad I took a risk to go for it. I hope others find inspiration in my post. Thank YOU Betsy! I feel sooo much better today!!! Yeahhhhhh!!!!

fearful,

I am sooo happy for you. Sounds like you found an amazing man. Good luck and please keep me posted on how everything is going.

Informed, thankyou! I appreciate your kind words and encouragement. Best of luck to you too!

careful of his wings....lol

don't I always say here that there are good people out there?

Congrats on the new relationship as it progresses

betsy

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Ah bummer, Betsy. I had hoped you'd heard the last from me & that I'd be fortunate not to have to have this talk more than once in my life.

Well, 3 weeks after I had this amazing conversation that went extremely well, better than I had ever dreamnt it going, we hang out again. We start to mess around a little, he says "I brought protection", I say "what ever happened to you & I getting tested? Have you done anything about that?", he says "no, what does it matter anyway". Proceded to tell me that getting tested is so "highschool" & that "the doctors know who I am and look at me like Im nuts because they know I don't have anything. Even went on to say "well what if we wait all this time & it isn't even good?" "what are you worried that the condoms gonna break or something?" meanwhile, he totally would've slept with me with no protection.

I about threw him to the curb right then & there! I'm still in awe at his response. Needless to say, I never & would never sleep & things were pretty much over right there.

I was like "wow, you know how much I've been thru & how much this means to me. & I would never disrespect you like this." just goes to show that you should really KNOW somebody before you get intimate with somebody. I obviously didn't know him as well as I thought I did.

But needless to say, he was good practice and I've learned a lot from going thru this experience. I'm going to be ok & find someone that truly loves me for me and would do a simple test with no questions asked.

Just had to vent a little. I'm amazed at

Sorry to hear that things didn't work out with your new fellow I agree, not willing to get tested when asked is disrespectful.

Things going ok otherwise for you?

betsy

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Thanks Betsy for your response below.

unfortunately you've been given erroneous information

odds are you have had symptoms of herpes and just didn't realize that they were what they were. most folks are able to start recognizing the signs of recurrences over time. sometimes it is redness and itching, not always obvious blisters that hurt a lot. you do not have to have obvious lesions present for the virus to be actively shedding.

you do need to talk to potential partners about your herpes. If you don't and they contract hsv2 from you, they have the right to sue you and it' s just not worth it. it's also just the "nice" thing to do. You know you are infected, you know it's contagious and it's part of the whole "talk" we all should be having with potential partners - std's, testing, condom use and birth control.

On average, a male partner has a 4% risk each year of contracting hsv2 from you if all you do is avoid sex anytime you have anything going on genitally. If you take daily suppressive therapy, the risk is cut in half. throw in condoms on top of that and a male partner has a 1% risk each year on average of contracting hsv2 from you. very low risk with minimal precautions but you still need to talk about your herpes. Trust me when I say if you think it's hard bringing it up before you are intimate, it's even harder to talk about a few weeks/months into things. Most partners appreciate the honesty when told prior to sex, talk about it after you've been intimate and for many folks that's a trust issue for them understandably.

I highly recommend the free herpes handbook at www.westoverheights.com . also Terri Warren's book "the good news about the bad news" is available for under $15 on amazon. It goes into far more details than her free handbook and really covers the psychological side of things more. Both are terrific!

keep asking questions

betsy

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Dear Betsy,
I think I'm having an outbreak. I was so happy that I'd reached two years with no recurrences....& now this. I haven't had sex since all of this happened over two years ago & almost felt like it was all a bad dream. After reading how unlikely it would be to spread & especially if we used a condom, I somehow justified avoiding the talk until I knew I'd be with long term. What an idiot!!! We spoke about getting tested, & both agreed to doing it (new guy) but one day shortly after one thing led to another... I'm so sorry & feel so guilty. Well it hurt ( prob cause it's been so long!), afterwards felt sore & like I was potentially getting a yeast infection. So paranoid me took a 3 day monistat, & thought that's all it was. But today, I woke up with 3 little bumps that look like tiny pimples near the same area it initially happened. I just took a valtex but it's expired & need to get a refill. Could this be anything else? Is the sex what triggered it? Oh I should say that I've also been having cysts ovarian and got my period after we had sex....2 weeks after i had just had it. I'm freaking out & not sure how to treat this. Scared it's something else now too & feeling like I completely deserve this for my actions. I will not have sex with him again without talking about this and getting tested together. I pray I did not harm him.

How long do you think this will last & what medication should I take? It's less I think I read because it's a recurrence?

Actually I'd be seen and get this looked at. it could be herpes but 3 bumps makes me wonder if it's not a reaction to the monistat.

betsy

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Ok, I will go in. I'm so humiliated. It feels swollen underneath the little bumps. And they itch. I hope this isn't something else like warts or something? Oh gosh!! I'm freaking out now. It is pink no other color like I've seen in some of the photos but there is definately something going on down there. crap!! I will never have sex again! Is sex a trigger for a lot of people & an outbreak happens a lot afterwards?

It could be irritation or vaginitis. don't presume the worst

betsy

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Thank you Betsy. I just got back. The doctor said it looks like a skin irritation rather than herpes but he did a culture anyhow & I should know by Friday. He said it's definitely not warts. I am going in next week for an ultrasound since I started bleeding for a week after sex. Tmi?;) if it's not one thing it's the other. He gave me an antibiotic cephalexin & told me to take the valtex til we get the results back on Friday. I have the 1 gram of valtex. Should I take that once a day? He said since the bottle hadn't been opened & it expired in may 2010 it should still be ok for up to a year after so I didn't buy that again.

I really appreciate you

recurrences are 500mg 2x/day for 3 days with valtrex.

betsy

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