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National Cervical Cancer Coalition

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 30, 2007 4:29 pm 

Joined: Fri Mar 30, 2007 3:29 pm
Posts: 2
I found out that my husband has had Herpes 2 for at least long enough to have tested positive in August 2006. He admitted to me that he had 2 anonymous encounters of an oral nature. One in January 07 and one in August 06. In August, he was paranoid that he had contracted something (more because of guilt than symptoms), and he had an HIV and Herpes 2 test done. His doctor called him then to tell him that the HIV was negative. He was told to call back for final results on the herpes test. I know this now because I saw his doctor on Monday to have a blood draw done. We spoke to my husband and he waived his privacy so that we could review his chart. I honestly believe he never found out until recently. In January, he had the 2nd encounter, different person. He was guilt stricken, and has had a variety of physical symptoms over the last 2 months. I think he is making himself sick replaying his actions in his mind. He went again in mid-March for HIV testing. When they called him to say the HIV was negative, they told him then about the past Herpes 2 positive test result. He was devastated and it took him almost 2 weeks of avoiding me physically to finally tell me. I did not think much of this because the last 2 months he has had so many "things" wrong with him, I did not want to push.

I learned that he has been seeing a counselor for over a month to try and deal with his compulsion to seek out anonymous people for such risky behavior. He has been worried that he will lose everything, and was stuck in a bad place of needing to tell me. That's a whole 'nother story. His counselor recommended some terrific books by Patrick Carnes, and we got these yesterday. Having been married to this man for well over 10 years, I can say that I certainly hope that we can work through this and he can become a strong person again. I can't imagine life without him. He feels he has really screwed up, and truth be told, he has. But for some reason, I am handling this relatively well. I'm not sure why. Maybe it is because I know that we are actually really in love with each other. Enough said. I know many of you may not understand. I just want him to get strong enough to handle this addiction/compulsion so that I can have my man back. I also don't intend to be too naive in all this. I'm a big girl and can protect myself if I don't like the progress of my relationship. So don't judge either one of us on this.

Regarding the herpes, I was devastated about this! I was too embarrassed to go to my own doctor, so I went to his. I had a melt down, probably due to the fact that I was worried, I was dealing with all this information from my husband, and well, you get the picture.

Got the results today:
HSV IGM - not detected. I know everyone says this test doesn't matter and should not even be reviewed, but hey, it was negative!

HSV 1 IGG - 1.48 (positive). Doctor says most people my age (40s) have this. I don't have fever blisters, but, well, I've got 1 for sure.

HSV 2 IGG - 0.06 (negative). YEAH!

My husbands test from 8-06:
HSV IGM test not done
HSV 1 IGG test not done
HSV 2 IGG - >5.00 (positive)

Huh? My questions to you on the board - how could we be so lucky for him to have had it at least long enough to have a positive result in 8-06 and I don't have it?

He went today for another blood draw to make sure he is positive.

Could my test be faulty? Could his?

I can tell you that we have an active sex life (last 2 months not withstanding).

Neither of us can remember anything resembling an outbreak.

If he had it for a really long time, and doesn't have outbreaks anymore, is it possible I have never contracted it?

He started on Valtrex on Monday, and I think if this situation holds true, then he should definitely continue to take it so that I will have another measure of protection to minimize the opportunity for outbreaks and my exposure to the virus.

Any input that will help me understand this more?

 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Mar 30, 2007 7:13 pm 

Joined: Mon Feb 05, 2007 11:47 am
Posts: 5443
Location: PA
Yes indeed you are hsv2 negative !! So how could he have been walking around with this for who knows how long - potentially even your entire marriage - and you have not contracted it? I know it's hard to believe but you really are more likely NOT to transmit genital herpes than you are to pass it on. Plus a little good luck also helps ( you knew there had to be something good in all this somewhere right? ).

Your husband was unlikely to have contracted hsv2 genitally from receiving oral sex. Hsv2 doesn't "like" the oral area to greatly simplify it all. It can infect there but more often than not it doesn't. In folks who do have hsv2 orally - it tends not to shed very often so it's not likely to be transmitted to a partner from there.

Daily suppressive therapy cuts your risk of acquiring the virus from him in half. I think the peace of mind for you both will be well worth it at this point with all you are going thru.

Best wishes that counseling helps you two work thru all this :) I hope he realizes just how darn lucky he is to have a woman like you by his side :)


 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2007 1:12 pm 

Joined: Fri Mar 30, 2007 3:29 pm
Posts: 2
Thanks for your input betsyb1967. He is definitely going to continue the Valtrex.

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