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PostPosted: Sat Mar 31, 2007 2:56 pm 

Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2007 2:42 pm
Posts: 2
I was diagnosed with herpes 7 years ago and since then I have only had sex with the person who I think is the one who gave it to me. The last time I was with him was 2 years ago. I am too embarrassed to tell anyone that I have herpes and so I don't date and I don't have sex with anyone. Until last week . . . I never go to bars either, but last week I did, I drank too much and I went home with a stranger. We had unprotected sex and I didn't say anything to him about the herpes.

I can't believe I hooked up with a stranger, much less not tell him the truth about this. I will probably never see him again but if I do, how in the world do I explain this to him? I honestly don't know why I didn't say anything. I feel like saying, "I forgot." I really didn't think about it because I was drunk, I was happy to be with somebody after so long, and it honestly didn't cross my mind until the next day. What do I say to him? I know the right thing would be to call him and 'fess up whether I see him again or not. I am not a terrible person but I think I did a terrible thing.

Please don't bash me for this horrible thing. I really need to know how to make this right, or at least better.


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2007 2:59 pm 

Joined: Sun Apr 01, 2007 2:43 pm
Posts: 405
Hey LonelyGirl,

It may be the right move to call the guy and let him know about your status. Also with the risk of unprotected sex, you may want to make an appointment to get tested for other STDs. I do hope this doesn't scare you and remember you are not alone. We all have made mistakes but in order to give yourself some peace and sleep at night, just make the move.

I know it's scary but keep in mind Herpes is extremely common and it 's manageable. I have Herpes Simplex 1 in the AREA 51 and it was hard for me to explain to my boyfriend but because I was honest with my partner, he didn't bash me about. As a matter of fact he's been quite supportive and we gathered as much information about Herpes as we possibly could.
Not to mention my OB/GYN gave us more information we could handle including antiviral drug information and ways to reduce and suppress outbreaks. His doctor also armed us with material and mentioned wasy we could have a healthy sex life.


I'm not sure which type you have but please just be honest with him. Let him know. You made a mistake but don't beat yourself up about it, just be smarter, tell him the truth, get yourself checked and take care of you. YOU ARE STILL A BEAUTIFUL PERSON JUST LET HIM KNOW.

If he hears you or not at least you know you did the right thing.He may be mad but he can only respect that you told him

Stay strong and also stay smart. Keep in mind there are wonderful websites to meet people who have H and I'm positive you will meet someone who will love you regardless of Herpes. Herpes doesn't make you. It's just a small part of you.

--Isis-- :D


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2007 3:36 pm 

Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2007 2:42 pm
Posts: 2
Isis, Thank you so much for the support. I appreciate everything you said. You are right - I need to be honest with this guy. I need to tell him.


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2007 3:58 pm 

Joined: Sun Apr 01, 2007 2:43 pm
Posts: 405
I'm pulling for you and it's gonna be okay.

In the future and you may already know this but Valtrex has been shown to reduce transmission of Herpes and they are in the making of a single day treatment of 1 pill in the morning and 1 pill at night for one day. FAMVIR is already doing single day.

I use the FAMVIR and so far its been pretty good.

Don't isolate yourself. Hang out with your friends, family and continue to date and be social. Go shopping, learn about what you like, and be a DIVA. Time to get out the shell and shine. You tell the H everyday to go to sleep because it's time for lonelygirl to be a flygirl !!!!!!!


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2007 5:55 pm 

Joined: Mon Feb 05, 2007 11:47 am
Posts: 5443
Location: PA
Herpes in my area 51...he he he I like that even if I"m not sure if that's a particular body part or just our nether regions in general :D


I know it's easier said than done but really - don't beat yourself up too much about this one night stand. I'm guessing he didn't ask you about std's or anything either and you didn't ask him? It really is a 2 way street. Also the risk of transmitting it thru a one time encounter is pretty darn low. I don't like to allow alcohol to be an excuse but I think it's probably the reason why quite a few of us ended up here !! We've all made poor decisions that we wouldn't have made if we hadn't had a couple of margarita's in us.

I agree with if it was an unprotected encounter you should follow up with std testing to make sure you didn't pick up anything. if you used a condom that's probably not even necessary.

What bothers me the most is that you've allowed herpes to turn you into a hermit!!! Why are you staying home instead of going out and having fun and meeting new people?? You are giving the virus way, way , WAY too much power in your life!! 1 in 4 adults has hsv2 - that's far more folks around you than you could ever suspect. Don't let herpes keep you from living a full life - it's just not worth it. It's far too common of a virus to give that much power to!!!

betsy


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2007 10:15 am 

Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2006 1:26 pm
Posts: 16
Hi Lonelygirl,

Ditto to what the others have said - in terms of both talking to the person and in your outlook for the future.

Just because you have herpes doesn't mean you can't date, have relationships, have intimacy, etc. That feeling of wanting to isolate yourself is not uncommon, but it's just based on misconceptions, misperceptions, misinformation, etc. Most people find that the feeling goes away once they've educated themselves and gotten accurate information and perspective.

One important item to follow-up on that the others mentioned is STI testing. Because the sex was unprotected (no condom), we would encourage you to get tested for all STIs including HIV. The timeframes for testing vary depending on each STI, but with HIV most people (~97%) develop detectable antibodies by 3 months if it was contracted. So you could get tested for HIV now and then again in 3 months or just wait 3 months. Not trying to scare you into thinking you have HIV - it's just that sex without a condom is considered to be a high risk for HIV when the partner's HIV status is unknown.

Feel free to look at more information on various STIs at this section of our site: http://www.ashastd.org/learn/learn_overview.cfm. The STIs are listed on the left-hand column.

Thanks,
Mike

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