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National Cervical Cancer Coalition


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 28, 2010 5:26 pm 

Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2008 9:28 pm
Posts: 39
Location: AK
Okay, advice from ANYONE is MUCH APPRECIATED!! (Thank you, in advance-)

Here's my dilemma-
I am gHSV2+, and am on ST. Other than my initial OB (and the two/three on top of that one!) a year-and-a-half ago, I haven't had any ob's since.

My b/f and I met a couple of mos ago through a mutual friend. He was moving out of state in a month, so I figured I never would have to tell him (wait! don't thrash me just yet!) because I didn't think it was going to go that far. He was only supposed to be a mild flirtation, with some (clothed) making out.

Well, things went further than either one of us ever thought it would! (Yes, we had intercourse- used condoms vaginally, though we didn't anally... I know, I know, should've used with both...!) We're actually making plans about me moving to be with him. *OF COURSE* I would tell him before my daughter and I got there! I'm just not sure the best way to go about it...??? Over the phone seems like such a cowardly, weenie way (and YES, I should have told him to begin with!), and even though he talks about coming back to visit before we make the move, that seems even MORE cowardly and weenie-ish! And makes the wait longer!

Does anyone have any similar experience, on either end? Or advice on this?

I just don't want him to hate me... :( I'm terrified to tell him, and would completely understand if he never wanted to talk to me again...

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Dance like nobody's watching. Love like you've never been hurt. Sing like nobody's listening. Live like it's Heaven on earth.


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 6:11 am 

Joined: Mon Feb 05, 2007 11:47 am
Posts: 5443
Location: PA
You can't always do the face to face talk about these sorts of things. In your situation, make time to have this talk on the phone or even via email if you need to. Talk about it all, his std testing and what he knows he has as well as your genital herpes. Just be honest - let him know that normally you do talk about this upfront but you never thought things would get this far and somehow here it is several months later and you feel bad that you haven't brought it up yet. You don't want to be having this talk while making plans to totally change you and your daughters lives - do it now and get it over with.

betsy

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 02, 2010 3:55 pm 

Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2008 9:28 pm
Posts: 39
Location: AK
Well, Betsy, I did it! :) I was nauseous and terrified the entire time... Understandably, he was upset with me, but still wants to be with me! He said had I told him in the first place, it wouldn't have made a difference, we just would have been more careful and cautious, but it wouldn't have changed anything. I'm sending him all the information I have, gave him this website and the westoverheights one, and have answered his questions to the best of my ability.

I am *SO* irritated with myself, it's unbelievable. :oops:

Quick question, I know the blood/IgG test is recommended after four months- is that after initial contact, or last contact? It's been almost 2mos since last contact, about 3mos since initial contact... And remind me about symptoms, he has had NOTHING irregular down there so far (and I know that doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't have it), but it can be anywhere from as mild as jock itch/pimple/ingrown to a full-blown ob...?

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Dance like nobody's watching. Love like you've never been hurt. Sing like nobody's listening. Live like it's Heaven on earth.


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 03, 2010 10:59 am 

Joined: Mon Feb 05, 2007 11:47 am
Posts: 5443
Location: PA
odds are he's never been tested for herpes before to know his status. He can get tested now just to see where he's at at this point.

Glad you were finally able to talk about this and get it all out in the open - now things can move forward :)

betsy

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