i've had herpes 1 on my genitals for over 12 years. i rarely have occurances and no one i have ever been with has caught this from me.

recently, i started seeing someone. i foolishly did not mention this right away because my doctor previously (since retired) told me that the chances of me spreading is were almost none and that i didn't have to mention it unless i had symptoms of an impending outbreak.

two months into seeing this person i felt some symptoms so i told her. unfortunately, she was having some sort of outbreak on her face. at first we thought it was just stress acne but then it blistered and opened. this is on her cheek. now she is blaming me for this. to make matters worse, she left the day after i told her to go home for christmas. she's upset and blaming me. she went to see a friend's mom who works in a clinic who told her "yes, that's herpes; maybe herpes 2". i felt this has now made it even worse. not to mention, what she has on her face could even be shingles (she's 43). she has not had a test yet.

i accept my responsibility in not telling her right away. but right now, i feel like i am being blamed for everything and i don't want to be callous but i don't see how i could have caused this outbreak or since she hasn't even been to see a real doctor and tested, how can she jump to the conclusion that i gave this to her?

this is a mess. i'm pretty sure she will break up with me as a result and i feel terrible because we not only had the beginning of a great relationship but i feel that i have ruined that and her health.

i just don't know what to do.

Hello and welcome to our message boards.

It sounds as if your partner was not given specific tests for herpes and that the diagnosis is not clear to you. Usually the best way to diagnose is either by taking a sample of susptected herpes lesions (called a "culture") within 48 hours of their appearance, or using a type-specific herpes blood test.

Most individuals have oral herpes (think cold sores) by the time they reach adulthood, and it can be almost impossible to tell how long one may have had either oral or genital herpes prior to diagnosis.

Discussing herpes with a new partner isn't easy, we understand, and a section on our Web site is designed to help with this. For more go to http://www.ashastd.org/herpes/herpes_em ... onship.cfm.

Hope this helps.

Best,
Fredo

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ASHA Moderator

Dude I think that until she has an official medical opinion and her outbreak is cultured, both your minds are cooled down, and until she realizes that she is not being the most mature she can be for her age, you should rest easy.

I realize that you don't want to be the cause of something, but you have to remember that everything has a solution. And that love transcends the occasional isolated chickenpox.

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-moh