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AllyCat
PostPosted: Tue Mar 30, 2010 5:11 pm 

Joined: Mon Mar 29, 2010 8:24 pm
Posts: 4
Location: Eureka
I have had herpes for 4 years now and for 2 of those years I was with someone that understood and was ok with it, but he died last September. So now I'm having to tell others about it and I have already been having people shy away from me like I'm a diseased rat. How I got it was by being drugged and rapped by someone who I thought was my friend. So when I talk about it with someone I choke up, turn away and want to cry. What do I do? How should I tell someone because I feel like I'm doing something wrong. Maybe it's the way I tell others, but I don't know what it is. I'm trying to be honest with others and give them the change to see if they want to be with me or not after telling them, but I haven't found someone like that since my ex. There is this guy that I have been seeing and I want to be honest with him before we take things to far but I don't know how to tell him. Sometimes I feel alone and really I don't know what to do. :|


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betsyb1967
PostPosted: Tue Mar 30, 2010 6:17 pm 

Joined: Mon Feb 05, 2007 11:47 am
Posts: 5503
Location: PA
Talking about std's and testing is something we all should be doing before we are intimate with a new partner. when I have my "talk", I don't start out talking about my herpes. I start it out talking about if they've ever been tested for std's and if so when and do they know what for. I also talk about condom use and birth control too. You don't want to find out a new partner doesn't like condoms when things are all hot and heavy and you might say ok to sex when you typically use them. Same with you don't want to discuss birth control after the pregnancy test comes back + either!! then I get into my herpes. I let them know what I have and where. I let them know what precautions I plan on taking and how that significantly lowers their risk. I then ask them what they know about herpes and do they have any questions and go from there. Remember, this is a discussion and not a confession.

betsy

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AllyCat
PostPosted: Tue Mar 30, 2010 6:54 pm 

Joined: Mon Mar 29, 2010 8:24 pm
Posts: 4
Location: Eureka
Thanks, but when do you think it's a good time to bring that up in a relationship?
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betsyb1967
PostPosted: Tue Mar 30, 2010 8:35 pm 

Joined: Mon Feb 05, 2007 11:47 am
Posts: 5503
Location: PA
It's different for everyone. Some folks will need to be having the "talk" on the very first date, others might be waiting months. Do it before you are sexual with a partner ( because it's as much about your protection as theirs ) but when you feel comfortable discussing these sorts of things with them.

betsy

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ivy21
PostPosted: Fri Apr 09, 2010 11:59 am 

Joined: Thu Jan 14, 2010 3:12 pm
Posts: 21
Location: Elmira
Hey girlie!
Just take your time and get to know the guy before you jump into the discussion. In my experience guys take it fine once you explain it to them. BUT if it doesn't work out people can be cruel. There is a still HUGE stigmatism with STD's!!! And that is because people simply aren't educated enough. I work at a HIV clinic and still didn't know alot about herpes until I tested positive for herpes 1. Good luck with everything, and REMEMBER if some guy can't handle whats going on, there are plenty of great guys who can!!!! :)
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AllieGal
PostPosted: Tue May 18, 2010 1:14 pm 

Joined: Tue May 18, 2010 12:20 am
Posts: 9
Location: Raynham
Can you find me a great guy who can handle it? Not having much luck with that department... :(
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betsyb1967
PostPosted: Tue May 18, 2010 3:12 pm 

Joined: Mon Feb 05, 2007 11:47 am
Posts: 5503
Location: PA
Have you checked out the herpes dating sites?

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AllieGal
PostPosted: Tue May 18, 2010 10:18 pm 

Joined: Tue May 18, 2010 12:20 am
Posts: 9
Location: Raynham
Yes, I have. The only men on there are in their 40-50's. I'm 29....
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betsyb1967
PostPosted: Thu May 20, 2010 7:11 am 

Joined: Mon Feb 05, 2007 11:47 am
Posts: 5503
Location: PA
See in my area I have the exact opposite problem - only men on them are in their 20's....lol. Maybe we need to switch houses?

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AllieGal
PostPosted: Sun May 23, 2010 6:48 pm 

Joined: Tue May 18, 2010 12:20 am
Posts: 9
Location: Raynham
I'm from Massachusetts, where are you from? lol
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