I've read a lot of posts on the this board however, the vast majority are from people who have or think they have Herpes. I don't have Herpes, however the young lady that I've been seeing the past 4 months has just informed me that she does. We haven't had sex, mainly because she has been avoiding it (now I know why,) but we are getting closer. She contracted it 15 years ago while in a 4 year long relationship. I'm trying to figure out what the heck this means!!!

I have to tell you, my first inclination is to EXIT STAGE LEFT, real fast!! But I've done some research and now I'm not sure what to do. A lot of information out there is confusing, I've talked to two different STD clinics and gotten contradictory information, been on dozens of websites that all seem like they've just cut and pasted from the same damn article. I'm going to see my doctor tomorrow but came across this board. Sooooo.....I need some help!!

I'm trying to find out FROM MY PERSPECTIVE (not hers, there's lots of info that):

1) She has Herpes....what the heck does that mean FOR ME?
2) How does viral shedding affect me?
3) Can I really expect to have a long term sexual relationship with this person and NOT get infected? Really?
4) How can I really protect myself? (I've read that it's controllable but not curable. Condoms+antiviral+abstain during OB = 2-3% chance of my infection? Is this year to year or per sex event?)

I really, really, really don't want to be unfair to her, however I don't want Herpes either!! Some insight would be appreciated!

Thx
DRGCOL10

welcome to the board! I'm glad you found a resource for accurate info


the rates of infection with hsv2 are the same in canada as they are in the US. 1 out of 4-5 adults has hsv2. It's very common. Getting tested for herpes in canada is often trying but you really should seek out a type specific herpes igg blood test for yourself to see what your own status is. Over 90% of folks who have hsv2 have no idea they are infected until they are tested. Condoms are not 100% protection so even if you don't think you've ever had symptoms yourself, assume nothing and get a baseline status on yourself too. You will probably have to pay out of pocket for your testing.

talk to your partner about what testing she's had too. odds are 15 years ago it was just assumed she had hsv2 genitally. find out if she's pursued any additional testing to confirm her status. also ask how she treats her herpes too.

If you and your partner did nothing but avoid sex anytime she has anything going on genitally, you are 96% likely each year NOT to contract hsv2 from her ( I"m assuming you are male, correct me if I"m wrong ). If she takes daily suppressive therapy, your risk is cut in half. throw in condom use along with all of that and you are 99% likely each year NOT to contract hsv2 from her. That's not per sex act, that's per year of having regular sex with her. That's the same risk as her becoming pregnant while using the bc pill ideally.

can you be with someone for a lifetime without contracting their hsv2? yes of course you can! odds are always that you won't get it from her in general.

keep asking questions!

betsy

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