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National Cervical Cancer Coalition

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 26, 2011 10:00 pm 

Joined: Thu May 14, 2009 3:33 pm
Posts: 8
I have been dating someone with oral herpes and I have the genital type. We kiss and both agree this is no problem if he has no outbreak.

On the other hand, he doesn't touch me genitally speaking (regardless of me having an outbreak) because he thinks genital herpes is "worse."
Worse in what way "physically" I am not sure except you tend to have more outbreaks from the genital type vs oral - right?

So how can you explain to someone that genital herpes is no worse than oral herpes physically speaking - or is it?

If you could help me with this question maybe it would a difference with my partner.

PostPosted: Thu Jan 27, 2011 1:08 pm 

Joined: Mon Feb 05, 2007 11:47 am
Posts: 5443
Location: PA
On an unrelated note - did you ever follow up on the issues you were having 2 years ago and get better answers? also in reading over your prior post again, had you ever confirmed your status? I see you never posted your igg test results for me to look at for you to make sure that you didn't need more testing.

Is herpes in either location better or worse than another? Not really. Some folks get hung up on the std label of genital herpes and convince themselves that oral herpes is better because it's not sexually transmitted. considering that 1 out of every 3 newly acquired genital herpes infections is due to hsv1 ( from oral sex ), thinking having it orally is somehow better is being a bit naive if you ask me.

So what do you do when you are dating someone with this mindset? Well I've actually had this happen to me in the past. He had hsv1 orally, I have hsv1 orally and hsv2 genitally. When I had my "talk", I explained the low rate of transmission to a male of hsv2 and what precautions I would be taking to keep his risk minimal. Yes even the 1% risk of transmission I could get his risk down to was too overwhelming to him. We continued to have a few dates after that but he just couldn't deal with the thought of genital herpes so things ended. Certainly give someone a chance to wrap their head around hearing you have herpes and a chance to do some basic education for themselves but if they can't deal with it, the best thing to do is to just end things and move on to someone who can deal with the idea of genital herpes. Give this person the basics ( I suggest the free herpes handbook or a link to the herpes info here on asha ). Give them some time to ask questions and go from there. A relationship where the other person is afraid to touch you isn't going to go very far :(


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