My boyfriend, well I dont even know if i can still call him that, has known about my HSV-2 for a year - in fact it prevented us from being together the first time we talked about being together..but then we became friends and ended up living together for about 7months AS FRIENDS and .. we finally got together.. I thought he had put his fears about it behind him. I UNDERSTAND that it's a scary thing. Truly, I get it. If i were in his shoes, I don't know if i would risk it.. but after we have lived together as friends for several months, and gotten to know each other.. and we didn't enter into our relationship lightly. When he told me he loved me and asked me to be his girlfriend, I let down my walls. We spent Valentines day together.. it was fantastic.. we had a great time. Then the very next week.. last Sunday, he drops a bomb on me:

He tells me that he had gone to the doctor (I knew he went to get checked out for a severe headache) and that while he was there he had gotten tested for all the STDs and that he was clean.. which i was glad, and that his doctor - not even his regular doctor, just some doc who happened to be on during that time.. he couldnt even tell me his name told him that he was being "Civically Irresponsible" by having an intimate relationship with me, even though he loved me. And my BF, thinks that everyone who loves him would tell him the same thing. He is the parent to a 2.5year old son, and he thinks that if He were to get it from me (BF) that he could pass it to his son. And I honestly think that he thinks that his exwife could take his rights away from him if she found out that he was dating someone with Herpes. And he breaks up with me.

I am FURIOUS with this doctor. He basically confirmed any and ALL of my BF's worst fears about Herpes, whether they are rooted in truth or not. I have called my Gyno and asked her what she had to say.. and would she talk to us together, and she said that the other doctor was RIDICULOUS and that she would talk to us. However, i haven't been able to get my boyfriend in to an appointment. It's as if he has made up his mind already and nothing i can do or say can convince him otherwise. It's like a person who thinks they have a brain tumor and they keep going to doctor after doctor until they find one who agrees with them and validates their cause. My bf didn't have to go to more than one doc, unfortunately, because the one JACKA$$ he happened to get in with filled his head full of BS.

Tonight when i brought it up to him, via text, because i havent seen him in person, or talked to him over the phone other than to try to get him to come to the appointment with me, he tells me that: "after sex he feels Guilt. fear. shame. fear." He said that meant he felt ashamed of himself for doing what he felt he shouldnt be doing.

I don't know if any of this will matter for my relationship, but it matters for my own sanity. I am a freaking wreck. So, here are my questions:

1) Does anyone know the % of transmission from Female to Male partners of HSV2
2) How do you prevent giving it to your children? (not during childbirth) i mean just in the house etc.
3) Can you get it on other parts of your body - like arms legs etc.. FROM genital herpes
4) Can one parent take custody rights from another because the other one has Herpes, or a partner with STD or Herpes
5) Is there anything I can do to this doctor if he is truly giving out false info? Because he is certainly EFFING UP MY LIFE!

1) Does anyone know the % of transmission from Female to Male partners of HSV2
If you did nothing but avoid sex anytime you have anything going on genitally, he's 96% likely each year NOT to contract hsv2 from you. If you take daily suppressive therapy with valtrex, his risk is cut in half. throw in condoms also and he's 99% likely each year NOT to contract hsv2 from you. To give you something to compare the risk to, the real use risk of becoming pregnant while being on the bc pill is 8%. Most of us don't avoid sex because we are concerned our bc pill won't protect us from pregnancy and I think we can all agree that we can't control a child with a pill or two a day like we can our herpes!

2) How do you prevent giving it to your children? (not during childbirth) i mean just in the house etc.
genital herpes is a sexually transmitted infection. it's transmitted through intimate, sexual in nature, contact, not through routine day to day life. we don't have the sort of contact it takes to transmit genital herpes to our children!

3) Can you get it on other parts of your body - like arms legs etc.. FROM genital herpes
you can when newly infected but the risk of such is pretty darn low.

4) Can one parent take custody rights from another because the other one has Herpes, or a partner with STD or Herpes
no they can not.

5) Is there anything I can do to this doctor if he is truly giving out false info? Because he is certainly EFFING UP MY LIFE!
I'd certainly write a letter of complaint to the clinic your bf was seen at! medical providers aren't allowed to be judgmental like that and he didn't help your bf at all with any accurate information about herpes!

Any chance you can get your bf to talk to a relationship counselor with you to work through this? If he's dealing with this by not talking to you/not being around you, sounds like there are several issues to work on, not just his fear of herpes.

betsy

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ASHA Moderator

Betsy,
Thank you for your reply. Just because I know that he may not be willing to accept information from just any source.. may I ask .. are you a medical professional? I know i have read in some of your responses that you see things like this daily.. so I am thinking you are.. and to me.. your word is Gold.. but for the bf.. he doesnt know you from Adam.. So i just want to be prepared.

Tell him I stayed in a holiday inn express last night....he he he

I am a RN and a trained herpes patient advocate. The stats I used are also in the herpes handbook which is free at www.westoverheights.com.

betsy

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ASHA Moderator

LOL Thank you.