what testing for herpes did you have done?
did your bf have a type specific herpes igg blood test to see what his status is?
could you have contracted hsv1 genitally from a prior partner and just didn't know it? Yes you could've. We gals can have our initial ob on our cervix and not even realize that anything is going on or chalk it up to something else going on. Same with if your initial ob was rather mild, you could've attributed that to something else too and never thought herpes could've been going on.
could you have actually contracted hsv1 from your current partner? Well yes there is also a chance of that too, especially if he's performed oral sex on you. Even the best herpes blood tests still miss 1 out of every 10 hsv1 infections so if he was properly tested, there's still a chance that he really does have hsv1 himself. Most folks who have hsv1 orally, never get obvious cold sores to know that they are infected with the virus.
So what do you and your partner do? well thankfully hsv1 genitally doesn't reoccur very often on average as well as it doesn't shed very often either. Usually just avoiding sex anytime you have anything going on genitally is all it takes to protect a partner. We typically don't recommend suppressive therapy for hsv1 genitally since it doesn't shed very much but that's totally up to you and a partner if you are interested. we don't have any studies to show if suppressive therapy would reduce transmission of hsv1 to a partner or not. condoms also would be helpful to lower his risk too if you are interested in using them. have you also both had full std testing to cover the other std bases? have either of you had your gardasil shots?
So how do you let go of your anxiety about herpes to start enjoying sex again? Well it is sometimes harder for the person infected to accept the fact that someone isn't overly concerned about contracting genital herpes from them. It might take you a little while to deal with accepting that you have genital herpes as well as accepting the small risk of transmission to a partner - it can be a lot sometimes and you both won't process it all at the same speed. Common sense really does go a long way though in protecting a partner and knowing that you are infected too helps to lower the risk of transmission. Keep talking to your partner - you need their shoulder to lean on right now as well as they need to know that it's not them, you are just having a rough time processing it all. Even though the relationship seems to be fairly new, let him know that you might need a little extra "romance" to get you in the mood too for the next few weeks once your ob has completely healed ( you know how the "newness" wears off as time goes on in a relationship - you know, we stop shaving our legs everyday, they stop wearing cologne and trying to impress us...he he he ). Just give yourself time and things should get back to "normal" soon
keep asking questions!