Divorced for 2 plus years. Last year I hooked up with an ex-boyfriend after reconnecting through FB who I had not seen in 20 years. He's the one I could never "get over" but didn't treat me very well 20 years ago. The long distance relationship lasted only 4 months. The last time I went to see him in August he was a complete jerk. Won't give the gory details of what he did but let's just say I left in the morning without saying good-bye and with every intention of this 30 year emotional love affair finally being OVER. A week later- full blown OB. I was diagnosed with HSV2 in the genital area. The Dr. assured me with my past sexual history the person who gave it to me was the person I had sex with a week ago. I did call the ex to inform him but he went into self-denial and said no way I must have gotten it from someone else. Who? I guess I am lucky I don't have it on my face since I did also perform oral sex on him that night. I had OB after OB the first 2 months of being diagnosed then nothing since. I was freaked out the first couple of months but then I stopped thinking about it for a while. The past couple of months I'm back to thinking about it. Seem to have a nightmare at least once a week. Usually that I have a plague so no one wants to come near me and I'm the only one in the world who has it. Here I am nine months later. I don't want to give this to anyone. I hope I meet a nice guy who ends up having it already. Anyone have info about a trusted/confidential herpes dating site? I tried to find a support group in the area but seems the place I heard about last year isn't having that monthly meeting anymore. I have been asked out by a few different men since this happened. I said no because I either wasn't interested or wasn't ready. I'm starting to feel ready now but my future seems very uncertain with H hanging over my head. And as for someone performing oral sex on me ever again..well I guess those days are over.

Welcome to the forum

What testing did you have done for herpes when you were diagnosed? Did they do a lesion culture of active symptoms? did they do any herpes igg blood testing? do you know if you were ever tested for herpes prior to this?

mpwh.net is the biggest and oldest herpes dating site.

you do not have to give up oral sex!! You can transmit your hsv2 to the oral area but the risk of that is very low.

So what are the real risks of transmitting hsv2 to a male partner? If you did nothing but avoid sex anytime you had anything going on genitally, your partner would be 96% likely each year NOT to contract hsv2 from you. If you also take daily suppressive therapy and use condoms properly too, your partner is 99% likely each year NOT to contract hsv2 from you. To give you something to compare it to, with real use, the odds of becoming pregnant while only using the pill for contraception is a 92% chance each year that you wouldn't become pregnant. So overall, even with minimal precautions, the odds of transmitting hsv2 to a male partner are pretty low and the more precautions you take, the less likely they are to contract it from you.

If you are having weekly nightmares, I recommend you seek out a counselor or a therapist and work on this. it sounds like this is more than you might be able to handle on your own and since it's 9 months later, it's time to seek out professional help to work through this.

keep asking questions!

betsy

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ASHA Moderator

Thanks for responding Betsy.

I do feel much better after reading your reply. Didn't know how low some of the risks were.

I think they tested the lesions but I am positive they did a blood test that was type specific. I also had her test me for HIV and Chlamydia but those tests were negative.

Yes I was tested in the past via blood tests (when I was pregnant five years ago) and it was negative and I have never had a lesion before in my life. My doctor told me that I was having a "Primary Outbreak" on my first visit due to symptoms. It was pretty bad. Many, many lesions. I don't know if I was ironically sick with the flu also but I had back pain, hot and cold sweats, sore bones and a sour stomach a couple of days before the lesions were obvious. She said if someone experiences a primary outbreak it's usually the worst OB they ever have. She told me she was looking at a Primary Outbreak and said you can only have that once and assured me I had just contracted it, as the person I was with prior would have been way too long ago for the primary outbreak to be occurring at that time. She said to tell my ex partner if he was interested in getting tested it was allina lab 2784 blood test hsv type specific IGG Antibody. I was put on Valtrex. Two weeks later another lesion popped up and then 1-2 more lesions over the following 2 months. I lost 7 lbs the first time I took Valtrex as it made me very sick to my stomach and I couldn't eat. I took it again when another lesion popped up but wasn't sick from the Valtrex the second time around. After that I stuck with a topical cream which seemed to make them go away quicker. None after that and I'm actually at month 7 of nothing happening.

I am a person who dwells on negative things. I believe I had put this out of my mind because it wasn't an issue if I wasn't dating and I had practically forgotten about it. Now I want to date and I have brought it all back to the front of my mind. I will try to get back to where I was and stop making this bigger than it has to be or letting it identify me. If the nightmares don't stop at that point I will get myself some therapy. But I believe in my heart that my worrying is non-sense and that when I meet someone special he may either have it or at least be able to accept it. I would prefer he have it already. I do not want to risk passing this on to anyone. Although the disease itself really isn't that big of a deal. I don't even mind it. It's the knowing that I am contagious that is killing me.

I'm going to check out the dating site. Thank you for the information. I will contact you if more questions pop up. (No pun intended)

sounds like a plan

betsy

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ASHA Moderator

To answer the title of your post. YES YOU WILL! and it will just as enjoyable as is was before. I was the same way when I discovered I had HSV, but I actually joined a std dating (positivesingles.com) website and have meet some great people on there and I found local groups (meetup.com). Good luck!