Thank you very much for your responses. It's been a few months now and it's all I think about and I still cry everyday even though the symptoms are gone. I think I could write a paper on all of the information I have.....many of which is contradictory. I feel confident that the information I'm getting from you is accurate though and I thank you for your dedication and feedback. It's quite scary how many doctors say different things! I really appreciate your site. It is nice to know that I'm not alone. I still walk around wondering who might have it. Who's experienced this pain....I can't imagine others having gone through this. Here are a couple more questions I've come up with:
1. My mom and good friend just went to get tested after hearing my story. Both came up HSV 1 positive and both doctors said it was no big deal and that it's oral, although neither has ever had any symptoms orally -cold sores, etc. or anywhere else. So my question is if someone I date in the future gets tested and it comes back hsv 1 positive, is there anyway to tell the location of the virus? If I go to get tested with them, is there anyway that they can tell if my hsv 1 is genitally? (I know I obviously have it genitally but just curious if my mom or friend can REALLY know that they hadn't contracted it in another area.) Also, I'm curious if my outbreak was the true initial outbreak. If I get the tests back from the gyno in the mail, would you be able to tell from the results? It seems so wierd that I wouldn't have contracted the virus orally by now (I'm 32) but who knows?! I'm confused by the fact that so many people have it orally but yet so many people are still contracting it genitally. I thought the chances are so slim of getting the same Hsv 1 in both places?
2. When you say that the chances of someone that has hsv 1 orally have a slim chance of catching hsv 1 genitally, do you have any statistics? I feel like I'm only going to be able to date someone if they have had a cold sore. This sucks. I'm not with the guy that gave this to me and the thought of dating someone is killing me. I've now heard of 3 girls that have had this (successful and good people) and NONE of them have told their partners which I just can't morally even think of doing. I can't imagine giving this virus to someone and I can't imagine not telling someone after how much this has effected my life. I just want to know the facts so I can be up front with someone in the future.
3. How likely is it that a person would have HSV 1 on their mouth and on their genitals? Is it possible that I could've givent this back to my ex boyfriend genitally by having sex when I had an outbreak even though he had cold sores in the past? I'm just confused if he was lying to me this entire time now because he did not have a cold sore when he performed oral sex on me. I know I could drive myself crazy trying to figure this out and he would need to get tested.....so I'm wondering if his blood test came back positive for hsv 1...is there a way to tell if he actually had it genitally or not?
4. I am in my swimsuit more than the average person because I play beach volleyball....which I feel like I almost need to quit now! I could barely walk or sit down during the initial outbreak. I'm afraid to ever get bikini waxed again. Can I get waxed at a salon? Do I need to tell the person that's going to wax me? Can I spread it? Will it cause an outbreak?
I'm sorry for all of the questions but this has not been easy for me to accept. I've been so careful all of my life. I never slept around like so many people I know. I've been very depressed and I don't know how I'm going to get over this feeling. I went to a support group and I think it made me feel worse. I know it's horrible to say but I just don't want to be a part of that group. Their stories scared me. I can't imagine living with this the rest of my life. I want my old life back. I want the old me back.
Sorry for the pity party. I just can't seem to get over this. I hate it. I've gone to a phycologist too. and I just don't seem to feel better. I've never had such a secret like this that I have to live with. My mom and few friends have been supportive but no one can really say anything that will make me feel better. I'm so afraid to meet someone I care about again.