I was diagnosed with HSV 1 & 2 a few months ago, and was infected prior to my current monogamous relationship. The diagnosis was devastating, but we are still together and committed.

I am using Valtrex 1000mg as suppressant, and we are using condoms. The issue is that it has taken away a lot of spontaneity and fun in the bedroom, as well as made it impossible for me to receive unprotected oral (I'm male, partner is female) which is something that both of us enjoy.

I did read a post somewhere by Betsy where she stated that she still has lots of fun in the bedroom - and the kitchen, hallway, neighbor's lawn, etc - and that is the kind of fun we want to continue to enjoy.

Are there websited, blogs, or posts here that address this issue, of how to adapt a sex life while protecting an uninfected partner? I welcome any suggestions?

Thanks!

What is interfering with you having the sex life you both want to have?

betsy

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ASHA Moderator

We are inhibited in foreplay because of condom use - sex is less spontaneous, she can't perform oral due to risk of transmission and her dislike of the taste of latex. So things we once did are now too risky.

Oral sex is a low risk over all in general for hsv2 transmission. You are also on daily suppressive therapy which takes her risk down even more. Are the two of you not comfortable with her performing oral unprotected or do you both just prefer that she not take the small risk of transmission?

As for outercourse/foreplay - that too is really low risk in general and you are on daily suppressive therapy too. Don't think that there are things you can't do as you did before just because of herpes!

betsy

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Betsy, is there any data regarding the risk of transmission of HSV 2 from female giving oral to male?

Also, regarding the larger issue of foreplay with one infected/one noninfected partner, are there any sites with testimonies and experience? It would be nice to have some context and to share the experience of others.

Thank you!

Not sure what kind of info you are looking for as far as testimonies. I don't really know of any sites/blogs where folks have been fairly descriptive about their sex lives in a discordant relationship.


betsy

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ASHA Moderator

Qwert, I really sympathize because I'm having the same problem. I'm female, recently diagnosed with HSV2, and my partner is negative. He does not want to take the risk of performing unprotected oral sex, and although I can't blame him, I'm very upset at the thought of never being able to receive oral sex again without using a barrier. We tried a few different kinds of dental dams, and Saran Wrap too, and they're generally awful. I can't feel a thing.

And there really is very little out there about how to deal with this. The only thing the sites say about having to use a barrier is "You may find that you have reduced sensitivity but it doesn't have to be a problem." Really? I haven't found any ways around it. And it's not like I'm not creative! But it's a real problem and nobody seems to be discussing it anywhere that I can find.

Does anyone have updates on this topic of discordant couples and sexual spontaneity. I'm in a committed relationship and I'm just driving myself nuts with worry over transmission.

I'm also in a bind because my doctor believes one 500mg Acyclovir is sufficient, and that a condom is sufficient. But then I read in "The Good News about the Bad News" that the entire boxer shorts area has potential for asymptomatic shedding.

Are there any discordant couples out there, who really enjoy an active sex life, and have years of not transmitting HSV2 to their partner?

Thanks...

acyclovir doesn't come in a 500mg dose. did you mean 400mg? Your provider is definitely wrong in believing that 1 acyclovir a day is sufficient. It's actually malpractice if they won't prescribe the proper doses for you. If your provider won't prescribe the proper doses for you, contact the clinic manager and file a complaint so that proper education is done in the clinic you go to.

Shedding occurs from the anogenital area as well as from the area of the actual lesions when you have one present. You can have lesions potentially anywhere from the entire boxer short area but you aren't potentially actively shedding virus from the entire boxer short area. make more sense?

I've been in mostly discordant relationships the whole time I"ve had hsv2. There isn't a single thing I didn't do sexually that I wanted to do. All of my long term partners stayed hsv2 negative with just me being on daily suppressive therapy. I only typically use condoms in the beginning of a relationship, not for the whole relationship. Most of my friends with genital herpes have similar experiences too. You really are not a walking biohazard who is going to transmit the virus to everyone you have sex with!

betsy

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ASHA Moderator

Thanks for the reply, exactly what I wanted to hear.

Yes, 400mg once per day is what my current doctor will prescribe. I asked for twice a day, but he doesn't believe in it. Wear a condom is what he says, and that taking a dozen pills per day won't help. I'm thinking of changing doctors.

I assume that my insurance company wants the generic, but if I can get a doctor to write for twice a day 400mg, is that as good as once per day 500mg Valtrex?

thanks again,
Mark

acyclovir and valtrex are both generic now. why not call your insurance and ask how much it would cost for you for both?

betsy

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ASHA Moderator

Hi guys. This is good info. I'm kind of in this same situation but reversed. I'm about to fly out to see a girl that I am talking to and she has informed me she has genital herpes, and I have informed her I have low risk HPV. We want to be as safe as possible because we're both dealing with one we don't want to have 2 stds. She is taking valtrax and she hasn't had an OB in awhile. she has also had the guardasil vaccine, and I haven't had any warts as well(although I do have an appt tomorrow, so we'll see). We're obviously going to use condoms, but something that worries me is this "shedding" that people talk about. Even if I wear a condom I can get herpes, correct? You guys also talk about oral without protection being a very low risk. I'd really like to be able to do that, but I am worried a little. When I talk to her about it she kinda acts like its not a big deal, and her past bf and people she has hooked up with have given her oral without protection and they were fine. am I just being paranoid? thank you.

her being on daily suppressive therapy lowers your risk no matter what the sex act. If you want, only perform protected oral on her. totally your choice.

betsy

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ASHA Moderator