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 Post subject: Unsupportive BF
PostPosted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 8:03 pm 

Joined: Sat Nov 14, 2009 8:40 pm
Posts: 2
Hey, my name is Melissa.

About a week ago I told my boyfriend of 14 months that I was extremely concerned about a lump/growth that had rapidly grown in the previous few weeks. This was around exam time at uni and I was already stressed about that, so the concern about this potential STI was escalating my stress levels. I had never had such a symptom before, however I had never had tests for any STIs.

I am always very open with my boyfriend - but when I told him of my concern he seemed angry and straight away asked me if I had cheated. I haven't cheated and I am 100% positive that he hasn't cheated - so we were both quite confused as to how I could be showing symptoms at this point when we had been sleeping together for a year. I went to a clinic the following day and it was confirmed that it was a wart - and the doctor froze it with liquid nitrogen. Since then, not only have I had to deal with the fact that I do have an STI, but I have also had to deal with my boyfriend basically shutting me out. He went away for the weekend and when he got back I had to beg him to come around and talk about this issue. He is an elite athlete and basically told me that if I had given him this virus and it was going to affect his ability to perform/train/repair muscles etc that he could never forgive me for that. He also told me that he was angry with the situation which was being reflected onto me and therefore he was angry with me, as well as telling me he was disgusted by me and that he was definately not as sexually attracted to me. Following that he told me that he wanted to have a weeks break (No seeing each other no text messages or calls etc) I am absolutely devastated with his reaction - I feel like I am being punished and I have really not done anything wrong... Additionally I have an assignment due for uni and all I have been able to think about is that we are going to break up... I ended up sending him a couple of msg's even though he said he didn't want that - telling him how distressed/upset/heartbroken I was and he replied saying that he still loved me and he just needed time... He told me the space was helping him.

What I need to know - is if my boyfriend and I have been having unprotected sex for the last 12 months and I have recently shown symptoms of this virus, does he certainly have the virus? And if he does have the virus, how will this effect his ability as an athlete? Also if everything does work out between us, can we continue to have unprotected sex or is it advised that we should use a condom? I am also very confused with this idea of the body possibly ridding iteself of the virus. I completely understand that this has not been proven, but If I do have this virus, why have the symptoms taken so long to show up? Or if I did have symptoms and never noticed when I first contracted it - why would I have the symptoms again now?

I really hope someone can help me out with this problem. This is the first time in the past week I have been able to stop crying!! I think its partially because my boyfriend told me that giving him space was helping, so now I am living in denial of the possibility that we will break up over such a F!@#ed up reason.

Thanks for the opportunity to express my concerns,
Melissa


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 11:31 pm 

Joined: Sat Oct 31, 2009 2:58 am
Posts: 15
Melissa, this is a very stressful situation for us all. Please keep in mind that I am new to this all as well, but I will tell you this much. My girlfriend and I have been together for three years, we had a break up period and I went out with another girl and pulled a one nighter. I ended up getting genital warts. It was about 10-12 months later before my first wart appeared. My dermatologist told me that he doesn't even collect a sexual history anymore, becuse of the fact the warts go dormant, treated and don't show up, basically its just so hard to track that because some people are just carriers w/o symptoms. So your boyfriend needs to understand that you don't have to cheat for this to appear out of nowhere. There are others on this forum who have a wart appear after quite some time. Eventhough, this doesn't seem to be the norm.

As a means of hope I will also tell you this. I don't usually talk about this becuase i'm a pretty modest guy. I have boxed since age 12, i'm 22 now. My grandfather was in the navy and trained me. I have won silver gloves, lost late in the golden gloves tournament, lost late in ringside tournament(one of the biggest tournaments in the U.S.), and my fight record is 36-2. One fighter I lost to had a 61-10 and went to the junior olympics, the other had a record of 16-3. I went at age 20 to start Mixed Martial Arts, I have a record of 3-0 and have taken time off from fights to pursue further training in grappling/wresting while I was in nursing school. I graduated nursing school in May, just got hired as an RN in the Emergency Department at the top hospital in Lexington, KY. I haven't told anyone that information on here, because its a very big misconception that nurses know a great deal about stds. The truth is, when it comes to STD's, Genital Warts is a six paragraph section in our nursing book and basically says what it looks like, and the common treatments and thats it. Nothing else. So anyone reading this, I am pretty ignorant when it comes to STD's, but I have done a lot of research recently. Ask me about Cardiac, Respiratory, and i'll eat you up. My point is this Melissa, true atheletes overcome adversity and don't make excuses. In no way, has having HPV affected my ability to be an elite athlete. The truth is this, in boxing and mma, I have nobody to carry me like a basketball player can rely on his team. You bust your butt and give it all you got. Hard work pays off. A true athelete understands that. I'm sure your boyfriend is just stressed out right now, this is a huge burden for us all.

On another note, genital warts has actually brought my girlfriend and I closer together. We fought a lot at first, but a lot of other stuff was going on and this happened on top of it. What it has shown us is that we love each other and don't want anyone else. And we can work through problems in a mature way. I was honest with her about my whole situation and she cried a lot at first. The truth is, I didn't know what I had until I almost lost it. I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world. Not if she had to have chemo and lost all of her hair or if had a limb amputated due to trauma. I would think she is just as beautiful as I do now. I guess what im trying to get to is this. If your boyfriend really loves your/cares about you, this is when he has his shot to show it. My girlfriend asked if she had been exposed to the dermatologist the day I was diagnosed. He said he would say almost 100% yes. So given that, he most likely has been exposed. Like I said, if this guy is really serious about being with you he needs to understand the fact that you only having one wart and not a huge outbreak is probably a good sign. My dermatologist told me that and I had several. This really is a matter of a trip to the doctor here and there, but not worth stepping on someone you care about. You need to remember that the next time you two talk. The fact of the matter is, he runs the same risk sleeping with any other girl. Your not an alien and even after me getting genital warts. If I met a girl right now and I didn't have it and we were together for quite a while and knew we were really serious and got married, I probably wouldn't let it stop me from being with who I want to be with. This is a huge burden for me. I have OCD and the though of HPV DNA on inanimate objects in the house is about to kill me and i'm working on it. It helps when people on here reassure me. I wish you all the best and would encourage you to not get too down on yourself. I would also suggest using diversion techniques, reading a book, watching a movie, going for a walk, going out with the friends, whatever you need to do to take care of you. Good luck. -Colt1911


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2009 12:49 am 

Joined: Sat Nov 14, 2009 8:40 pm
Posts: 2
Hey Colt,

Thanx so much for such a quick response. That was very helpful and I really appreciate getting some insight into the lack of effects the virus had on your boxing/MMA career. Congratulations on all your achievements!

I am praying that this is just a lack of understanding and that it passes by quickly, but obviously can't help but worry about the possibility of breaking up. Those things he said to me were very hurtful and I don't know if I could ever feel good about myself with him even if things did get themselves sorted out... Also I feel like at a time when I needed him most he has left me stranded and alone... Which in a way I guess makes me question if we really are meant to be together. But I guess at this stage it's just a waiting game. Waiting to see if he can come to terms with it and see me for the person I really am. When I talk to him I might tell him bout your experience with boxing/mma...

He explained that the problem is this: He is an professional triathlete and he has sacrificed a huge amount through his lifetime to get to where he is now... But over the past couple of months (Through out world champs and a couple of other important races) he has had some major problems with his muscles repairing, his body feeling drianed and spasms of the muscles in his back - which caused him to miss some training. Additionally he has a problem with his achilles, looks like he may have to have surgery on it which would put him out of action for 12 months... So he has seen many specalists and they seem to think he may have a blood disease... But after him learning of me having HPV he seems to think all these problems may be linked to the fact that I have passed it on to him...

Anyway, as I said, time will tell... I am praying that we can both be realistic and see that this really is quite insignificant - and the fact the we both love each other and would never do anything to intentionally hurt the other should be enough to help us through. I hope.

I really really appreciate your reply Colt, And I am so happy that things are great between you and your girlfriend.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2009 12:04 pm 
Site Admin

Joined: Wed Oct 04, 2006 4:08 pm
Posts: 2122
Location: North Carolina
HPV is a common virus that virtually all sexually active people have at some point in their lives. It is harmless in most cases, and most often is cleared by the immune response in 6-24 months (although it can be latent potentially for years).

HPV will not impact muscle healing, endurance, or any other aspect of athletic performance. The virus just exists in skin cells around the site of infection, is not in the blood and doesn't work its way to the muscles.

Hope this helps. Post again anytime.

Best,
Fredo

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ASHA Moderator


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 Post subject: ...
PostPosted: Thu Nov 26, 2009 11:53 pm 

Joined: Wed Sep 09, 2009 2:51 am
Posts: 7
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