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National Cervical Cancer Coalition


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PostPosted: Tue May 18, 2010 9:54 am 

Joined: Tue May 18, 2010 12:20 am
Posts: 9
Location: Raynham
Hello,

I've been dealing with herpes for 3 years now and have lost 2 great guys because of it, one of them was just the other day. It's really upsetting me and I don't know how to deal with this. My doctor and medical classes (Micro/A&P) say that no outbreak = no problem. It is possible to have a normal sex life as long as condoms are used and there is no outbreak. How many agree with this? Are there any good informational links to show someone to educate them? I tried to do the best I could with that part but statistically, 20% chance? Is that without taking precautions? What would the risk be with Valtrex taken daily, condoms, and no outbreak? I tried to explain all of this to my significant other and he said 20% risk = goodbye. Broke my heart. Why is it some people are completely fine with it and others are terrified? Any help would be greatly appreciated.


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PostPosted: Tue May 18, 2010 10:07 am 

Joined: Mon Feb 05, 2007 11:47 am
Posts: 5443
Location: PA
I'm not sure where you are getting your info from ?

if you are female and have hsv2 and have male partners who are negative, if you do nothing but avoid sex anytime you have anything going on genitally, they are 96% likely each year NOT to contract hsv2 from you. If you take daily suppressive therapy and also use condoms as well as avoid sex anytime you have genital symptoms, they are 99% likely each year NOT to contract hsv2 from you.

the herpes info on the main asha site has lots of info . also the herpes handbook at www.westoverheights.com also is very informative for you and your partners.


You can transmit the virus even when you don't have obvious symptoms. The risk is lower of it occurring but it does occur.

keep asking questions!

betsy

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PostPosted: Tue May 18, 2010 10:15 am 

Joined: Tue May 18, 2010 12:20 am
Posts: 9
Location: Raynham
Thank you for your response. Where are you getting your information from? Why isn't there more statistical info like that all over the web? Some information can be misleading which is why I need to learn the truth so I can share that with others who have it and also partners who don't. I'm always trying to learn more about this virus. What's the best way to talk to someone you're dating? How do you educate them properly? I told him to talk to his doctor and not believe everything you read online because it sounds worse than it is. Help? I don't want to lose him or anyone else in the future because I'm saying or doing this wrong. :cry:


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PostPosted: Tue May 18, 2010 3:10 pm 

Joined: Mon Feb 05, 2007 11:47 am
Posts: 5443
Location: PA
the valtrex and reduction in transmission study is where most of the info I use comes from. There are also several other studies. the handbook also bases it's info on the same studies.

I usually combine my herpes talk with talking about std's in general, testing we've both had, any std's we know we've both had , condom use and birth control. Not the most romantic talk in the world but it's part of being sexually responsible. I let them know what I have and where, how I treat it, what precautions we can talk and how they will reduce their risk and go from there when I talk about it.

betsy

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PostPosted: Tue May 18, 2010 10:09 pm 

Joined: Tue May 18, 2010 12:20 am
Posts: 9
Location: Raynham
But at what point do you tell someone? I'm so afraid of getting in over my head, only to have the conversation and have him say no and have it hurt more. But telling someone shortly after isn't working for me either. I just lost a great guy and I'm really upset about it and I feel like he got the wrong information but already made his decision. I don't know what to do....


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PostPosted: Tue May 18, 2010 11:27 pm 

Joined: Tue May 18, 2010 12:20 am
Posts: 9
Location: Raynham
Forget it. Had another chat and the 1% risk for him is too high... He won't give me a chance. Ok now I need to know how to cope with rejection please. This is horrible...


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PostPosted: Thu May 20, 2010 7:18 am 

Joined: Mon Feb 05, 2007 11:47 am
Posts: 5443
Location: PA
To me it's perfectly ok for someone to say that they don't want to take the risk of contracting my herpes. It's not ok to me though when it's a knee jerk reaction and they don't take the time to educate themselves properly about it. that's not the kind of person I want in my life. I need someone who will be strong by my side, not someone who at the littlest of complications can't look into how to dealing with them best and just makes a decision not to deal.

this dude made his decision. Hurts like hell for you right now but work on healing your heart and then move on with your life. the right guy is out there. Most people will be accepting of the risk of contracting your herpes. Lean on your friends to help you work through this too - that's why we have them.

Hang in there!

betsy

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PostPosted: Sun May 23, 2010 6:47 pm 

Joined: Tue May 18, 2010 12:20 am
Posts: 9
Location: Raynham
Thank you!! :cry:

I'm trying.


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 26, 2010 10:55 am 

Joined: Tue May 18, 2010 12:20 am
Posts: 9
Location: Raynham
OK so I met another guy. Dated for a few months but things progressed quickly. After being intimate for 2 months he broke up with me because he said he's NOW afraid and can't be with me. WTF? Sorry but this makes no sense! Who has a relationship with someone AFTER the talk, AFTER having intercourse, AFTER never having a problem with it and suddenly it's the "out excuse".


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 26, 2010 2:44 pm 

Joined: Mon Feb 05, 2007 11:47 am
Posts: 5443
Location: PA
sorry to hear that this partner didn't work out either :(

betsy

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