Odds are your mouth issues aren't due to hsv2. For starters, for the vast majority of people who have hsv2 orally, it's only shedding 1% of days and doesn't reoccur. Just cuts on the lips doesn't sound like herpes either. If you need the peace of mind though, next time you have these symptoms, be seen promptly for a lesion culture and typing of them. Even if you did have hsv2 orally, it's incredibly unlikely that you'd transmit it to your children. It's not something to worry about in general. Sores in your mouth are usually canker sores which aren't due to herpes and aren't contagious. If you frequently get cuts on the lips and sores in your mouth, might be time for a further work up to see if other things are going on like food allergies, autoimmune issues, allergic reactions to chemicals in toothpaste/lipstick etc.
coffee and caffeine are not triggers for the vast majority of people who have hsv2. Some folks do by trial and error find it's a trigger for them but for most folks, food is not a trigger.
Why have a full blown ob now after having have been infected for so long? well it does happen and isn't as unusual as it sounds. It's not unusual to not think twice about anything going on genitally until you either find out you have hsv2 and start inspecting your genital area more often and putting more thought into what goes on down there as well as it's not unusual for folks to be infected and not know it until they do have a full blown recurrence that makes them take notice and go and be seen and get properly diagnosed. Vaginitis, especially bv in us gals, can trigger herpes to be more active so sometimes it's a precipitating circumstance like that that triggers the more obvious recurrence. Have you been getting tested for yeast and bacterial infections vaginally since this started? About 1/2 of all bv infections don't present with obvious symptoms so if you haven't had symptoms of vaginitis but haven't been tested ( sometimes doc's will only visually look at you and say there's no reason to test too so you have to be insistent ), it's well worth getting tested for it if you are suddenly having more obvious recurrences. I've known people who in hindsight figured out they were infected for 15+ years after they had an obvious recurrence and their recurrences not become obvious until they've had changes in hormones due to aging and/or vaginitis issues start. Not sure how old your babies are but if you've fairly recently given birth, changes in hormones due to that can be issues too ( as well as being totally run down chasing after multiple small children! ).
Keep asking questions as you have them