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PostPosted: Tue Dec 28, 2010 1:16 pm 

Joined: Mon Dec 27, 2010 2:15 pm
Posts: 37
Location: toronto
Hi,

I like to know of any good experiences from anyone by sharing they have herpes.

I like to get positive suggestions and on how you did it.

Thanks,

Anita


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 04, 2011 11:23 am 

Joined: Mon Nov 27, 2006 12:58 pm
Posts: 14
Hi Anita,

I know you may be looking for personal stories from posters here, but you might also want to take a look at the sticky above titled "Now I am gun shy," if you haven't already. Check out the post by "Mike" in that thread--lots of good advice there. You can also read over the information on ASHA's website at http://www.ashastd.org/herpes/herpes_em ... onship.cfm.

I hope this helps.

Ally

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 22, 2011 9:27 pm 

Joined: Wed Apr 28, 2010 8:18 pm
Posts: 7
Location: Bronx
Hi Anita,

I was diagnosed last year in march and i joined this forum because i was a mess mentally. I currently have a boyfriend and he does not have herpes. I think the best thing to do is to first make sure that you are okay with having herpes and learn as much as you can about it, because if you are not comfortable with it and yourself its going to be hard to tell someone and be comfortable talking about it with that person. My boyfriend and i were actually friends before we got together so i was comfortable talking to him about it when i finally did tell him. It's definitely still something that is hard to say but once you say it and the person still accepts you then it is the best feeling in the world. So get to know the person and make sure you want to be with this person before you tell them.
Every situation will be different you just got to put yourself out there if you are ready. When i found out i actually was dating someone for just a few weeks, we never had sex though, but it was only right to tell him before strong feelings developed. He said that usually if he found out that a women he is dating has an std then he wouldn't stay in the relationship, but he wanted to be with me so he stayed. 4 months later he says that he can't handle me having herpes so he ended the relationship. i should have known when he said he would usually leave that it wouldn't last long, but lesson learned. Im glad he ended it because i love my boyfriend now so it all worked out.
Sorry for the long reply lol but it feels good to be past the negative feelings i had towards herpes. Just think of it as weeding out people who are not meant for you. i hope you find the courage to tell who ever you want to tell and that they treat you with respect and love.

Good luck
Hills_Valleys


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 24, 2011 9:47 pm 

Joined: Mon Dec 27, 2010 2:15 pm
Posts: 37
Location: toronto
Thanks for the replies so far on how to tell someone of HSV2. I do speak with a male friend about it. He says just be yourself. He says, he accepts me and cares and wants a relationship with me but I don't with him which is kind of funny. So it is obvious that there are people who will accept it in you but not always. My fear is goind out with men. The though of HSV2 comes up more whenever I meet men that are potentials. Is this common. How do you control these thoughts.

I like more information on experiences on how you tell someone.

Thanks,

Anita


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 26, 2011 2:49 pm 

Joined: Wed Apr 28, 2010 8:18 pm
Posts: 7
Location: Bronx
Do you go to a support group at all? I found that to be very helpful. And I did have a lot of negative thoughts about going out with guys and them not wanting to be with me. You got to accept yourself first before you can even begin to go out with someone. I remember that I would see a guy and would want to approach him but the thought of herpes would just be looming over my head. It goes away. It might take a bit but you'll get there.


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 27, 2011 12:54 pm 

Joined: Mon Dec 27, 2010 2:15 pm
Posts: 37
Location: toronto
Hi,

I have tried a support group here and all I heard how people are not being accepted out there and it has devastated them. Only one lady in the group had a positive experience. I see more negativity out there about Herpes which makes me scared in revealing this to someone. The only person who knows about this is a male friend who has known me for years. Yet, I am not interested in him in that way but he is still and wants to take a risk, if he gets it, not the end of the world. But I want to move on to someone better for me. I am not compatible with my friend for a serious relationship. I am afraid to go forward because there may not be someone who will accept me for this which can be mentally and emotionally devastating. It creates low self esteem. I do accept it but afraid that someone else may not. Don't want to go there in opening up to someone because I am giving too much power to an individual who can then either abuse me, leave me, or defame my reputation. Too much to lose for me. So how do you deal with this. That means there will never be love in my life.

Anita


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 27, 2011 1:21 pm 

Joined: Mon Feb 05, 2007 11:47 am
Posts: 5443
Location: PA
In 25 years of having genital herpes, I've only been turned down twice. It really hasn't been an issue for me. Most of my friends with genital herpes, have never been turned down because of their herpes!

The herpes homepage did an informal poll a few years back of its members and that showed that 3 out of every 4 people that they told about their herpes was accepting of it. Don't take the experiences of the support group you were at to mean that this is going to keep you from finding a person you are compatible with! Yes you might get turned down because of it sometimes but overall, most folks find that it's not a deal breaker for them.

You aren't all that attracted romantically to this friend. Don't fall back on the "safe card" just because this is someone who has said your herpes isn't an issue. Get out there and actively look for a partner to find someone that you are compatible with! You can try the herpes dating sites if you feel more comfortable talking to others who also have genital herpes. Absolutely no reason not to use regular dating sites too! I actually used to post on a herpes site as well as a regular dating site at the same time. Finding someone you are compatible with in general is hard enough, upping my odds by being on 2 sites was something I hoped would increase my odds. My experiences have been that you still have to kiss a lot of frogs no matter if you are dating on the regular dating sites or on the herpes sites ;) Ironically my current partner is someone I met on a regular dating site. When we got around to having "the talk", he agreed to go and get std testing done and also tested for herpes. He was more than a little surprised to find out that he too had hsv2 ( he already knew he had hsv1 ). It's turned out to be good for the both of us - in multiple ways :) Before this, the majority of my partners were hsv2 negative and they stayed that way. Precautions really do work and you can easily get a male's risk down to 1%/year of contracting hsv2 from you. That's the same risk as pregnancy with ideal use of the birth control pill ( real use is much higher! ). I think we can all agree that you can control your herpes far easier than you can raising a baby for a lifetime with someone.

betsy

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PostPosted: Thu Jan 27, 2011 1:42 pm 

Joined: Mon Dec 27, 2010 2:15 pm
Posts: 37
Location: toronto
Hi Betsy,

I like your support in terms of meeting people who will accept it. I am going to try to be less anxious about it and start going out more and not let the Herpes hang over my head each time I meet someone. I am going to see a std counsellor today on my anxiety.

I will keep you posted on this.

Anita


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