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PostPosted: Thu Mar 10, 2011 7:52 pm 

Joined: Thu Mar 10, 2011 2:50 pm
Posts: 3
Location: NoVA
I just found out that my boyfriend of 6 months has herpes. He's had it for a number of years but failed to be honest with me when we had the std talk at the beginning of our relationship. We have been having monogamous unprotected sex for all of our relationship. I'm terrified about the whole deal as a divorced mom just getting back on my feet emotionally with this man. I truly love him, but don't know if this is something I can live with work with.... help! He got herpes from his ex-wife after 8 years of having sex (she had it prior). Is it common to be able to keep your partner from getting it for that long? What about forever? He is on valtrex for outbreaks - should I ask that he go on supressive therapy instead for more protection for me?

He hasn't had an outbreak while we were together until now, but if things work out and we stay together we plan on abstaining during outbreaks and that's about it. I've heard that condoms are only so-so effective since they might not cover the infection anyway.

He's explained what it's like for him, but what are ob like for women? DO they happen with menstrual cycles/hormone fluxtuations like I've read? I gave him a hand job last night without thinking... can I get it like that?


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 11, 2011 1:32 pm 

Joined: Mon Feb 05, 2007 11:47 am
Posts: 5443
Location: PA
A hand job is low risk for anything. typically the skin on our hands is too thick for the virus to easily transmit.

Does he have hsv1 or hsv2?

have you ever been tested for herpes to know your status?

so what do you do now? Well I recommend for the sake of honesty that you both go through std testing to see who has what of all std's. Compare results with each other so that from this point forward, no risk of someone hiding anything. Make sure you both get type specific herpes igg blood testing done - it's not typically a part of routine std testing unless you specifically ask for it. Read the free herpes handbook together at www.westoverheights.com and then come up with a list of questions you both have to post here. Also discuss with him if he's willing to go on daily suppressive therapy to lower your risk. If you two did nothing but avoid sex anytime he has anything going on genitally, you have a 8-10% risk/year of contracting hsv2 from him. If he takes daily suppressive therapy plus you use condoms properly, you have a 2-3% risk/year of contracting hsv2 from him. It's a significant reduction in risk for you and well worth utilizing precautions.

keep asking questions :) You've found the right place to ask them!

betsy

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 15, 2011 8:39 am 

Joined: Thu Mar 10, 2011 2:50 pm
Posts: 3
Location: NoVA
thanks betsy.... I'm going to suggest he get typed as he has just always assumed he has HSV2 since he has several outbreaks each year, and I would assume that also. I'm getting my initial test results this morning, and I am hoping that it comes back negative, but a teeny part says if it comes back positive I'd be happy too because the whole thing would be "easier" in our relationship.

next question: if I am negative (which is my assumption since I have no symptoms, but I'll know in an hour) should I bother getting retested in four months? Should I do it every four months? Once a year? Wait until I get an outbreak and then get tested? He was in a relationship for 8 years before he got it from her (I know that it's easier for a man to give it to a woman and I'll probably not be that lucky) I don't want to pay for testing every four months if it's a moot point anyway... KWIM?


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 15, 2011 9:15 am 

Joined: Thu Mar 10, 2011 2:50 pm
Posts: 3
Location: NoVA
also - his outbreak spot isn't covered by condoms would it make that a moot point? If he's shedding, isn't it normally from that same area?


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 15, 2011 2:39 pm 

Joined: Mon Feb 05, 2007 11:47 am
Posts: 5443
Location: PA
no reason to test every couple of months. My recommendation is if you should develop any obvious genital symptoms, be seen within 48 hours of their appearance for a lesion culture and typing, otherwise just get tested yearly if you want to to keep an eye on your status. should the relationship end, get a type specific herpes igg blood test 3 months after the last time you had sex to cover your bases. sound reasonable?

the location of his ob's is meaningless when it comes to risk. He sheds the virus from the actual lesions as well as from the entire anogenital area during ob's and in between ob's, it's periodically shed from the anogenital area. where he has ob's at doesn't shed in between obvious lesions. make sense?

keep asking questions!

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