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 Post subject: Advice for New Partner
PostPosted: Tue Sep 20, 2011 8:20 pm 

Joined: Tue Sep 06, 2011 9:04 pm
Posts: 6
Location: Ontario
Hi,
I contracted HSV1 genitally 18 years ago and have had 3 breakouts since. I have had a few boyfriends since then and none have had a problem with it, until now. I have met someone new and he's having a hard time wrapping his head around all of this. I am looking for some advice on how to help him understand the situation and feel a little more comfortable with it.

He thinks he has HSV1 orally as he used to get cold sores as a kid, but hasn't had them in years. His concern is the risk of getting it "down there". I've told him that I'm probably more safe to have sex with as we KNOW that I have it so we're more careful. Use a condom, not contact should I feel the start of an OB, no oral sex on me without a dental dam or some other form of protection etc.

Is there anything you can suggest for him to do, read or talk to to help calm his concerns? We've both talked to the national HIV/Sexual health hotline (here in Canada) and while my talk (separately) went well, his seemed to scare him more!

One of thing I'd like to know about myself is this. I contracted HSV1 genitally thorough oral sex. Does that mean that I could also have it orally but never shown any signs for it? I obviously kissed the guy that gave it to me genitally and it only showed up there.

Thanks!

P.S. How many people out there have performed oral sex and never thought about asking the persons' personal history or sexual health. We think of it when we want to have genital sex, but not oral. Why is that??? So frustrating!


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 21, 2011 1:58 pm 

Joined: Mon Feb 05, 2007 11:47 am
Posts: 5443
Location: PA
If he has a history of cold sores then he already has hsv1 himself. Your genital hsv1 is almost a no risk at all for him. Err on the side of caution and avoid sex of course anytime you have anything going on genitally but he's very unlikely to contract hsv1 genitally from you.

sounds like perhaps he's heard "genital herpes" and now is just panicking? His hsv1 oral infection is actually far more of a risk to partners than your hsv1 genital infection but odds are no one ever bothered to tell him. Kinda ironic don't you think?

I recommend that he get a type specific herpes igg blood test done to see his full hsv1 and hsv2 status. odds are he's never been tested to know his status and you need to protect yourself against hsv2 so he'll need testing done. also talk about his std testing he's had done since his last partner to find out what else he's been or not been tested for too. It's so much more than your hsv1 genital infection you know you have, it's about protecting yourself too!!

Hsv1 genitally doesn't shed much at all. It's low risk of transmission to a partner even if they don't have hsv1 themselves.

keep asking questions!

betsy

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 22, 2011 4:01 pm 

Joined: Tue Sep 06, 2011 9:04 pm
Posts: 6
Location: Ontario
betsyb1967 wrote:
If he has a history of cold sores then he already has hsv1 himself. Your genital hsv1 is almost a no risk at all for him. Err on the side of caution and avoid sex of course anytime you have anything going on genitally but he's very unlikely to contract hsv1 genitally from you.

betsy


Hi Betsy,
Thanks for your response! How do you know that he's unlikely to contract hsv1 genitally from me? Can you give me any hard facts on that? He's a scientist and likes numbers!! lol
What about me also having oral hsv1 from the same guy I got the genital hsv1 from? Is it possible I could have it there but just never shown signs for it there? If I do have it orally then it possible to give it to my partner if I perform oral sex without the use of a condom right? (So as an aside, why would my partner be worried about contracting hsv1 genitally by having genital sex with me but not oral sex?)

On another note, for those that have oral HSV1, how do they deal with kissing new people. If we have hsv1 or 2 genitally we are told to have protected sex and avoid contact during an OB, but how do you protect yourself from kissing?????

Thanks again Betsy!
CD


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 23, 2011 1:24 pm 

Joined: Mon Feb 05, 2007 11:47 am
Posts: 5443
Location: PA
Unless you get obvious cold sores, no easy way to know if you also contracted hsv1 orally or not. What few studies we have on it show that anywhere from 1/4-2/3's of folks who contract hsv1 genitally, also have it orally.

I don't know of any particular study to post that explains why he is protected, it's actually pretty basic immunology - once you have herpes on one body part, your body develops protection against contracting it on other body parts - a natural vaccination against further infection with it.

even with oral herpes, you aren't contagious far more than you are contagious :) http://www.ashastd.org/herpes/herpes_le ... herpes.cfm has terrific info on oral herpes if you haven't read it yet. It's pretty down to earth and common sense in general I think.

betsy

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PostPosted: Sun Oct 16, 2011 1:23 pm 

Joined: Tue Sep 06, 2011 9:04 pm
Posts: 6
Location: Ontario
Just a quick update:

I am sad to report that he could not handle it and the relationship ended (on my doing). What really upsets me was that lots of people have no problem sleeping with others WITHOUT truly knowing their partners sexual health background as long as they use a condom and the person says "no, I don't have anything". Yet, we are honest upfront and do everything we can to make sure we don't pass it on and that's not enough. They have had RISKIER sex with others but because they KNOW we have the virus they can't with us.

I guess ignorance really is bliss.


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 16, 2011 1:42 pm 

Joined: Mon Feb 05, 2007 11:47 am
Posts: 5443
Location: PA
sorry to hear that he didn't bother to do his "homework" and realize it was a non-issue for him.

betsy

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