This is not easy for me.

I've literally gone into hiding for three weeks. I'm a 21 year old male and just midway through that never-ending adventure some of us like to call 'college.' About a year ago, I got out of a relationship with my boyfriend and have been single since last summer. I've had a few boyfriends before that.

Yes, you read that right.

So in addition to the fact that I was never exposed to some kind of herpes simplex when I was young enough to have strong antibodies now (like everyone else, apparently) and have already rationalized this entire outbreak process as one cosmic inconvenience, in addition to having a doctor who seems to think that I shouldn't be concerned and in fact encourages me NOT to inform my partner in an attempt to make me feel better, in addition to the fact that I feel betrayed and angry that I have been naive when I've asked the men and women I've dated if they 'have anything' (they did not even bother to be sure!)...

...in addition to all that, PLEASE JUST ADD immense embarrassment and the fact that in reality, a homo guy has enough trouble keeping clean in a city of Rico Suave's who think they're God's gift to humankind without having to deal with the feeling of never being able to kiss someone again without that stinging in the gut of my conscience that if they become infected, I AM TO BLAME.

OH, and throw in the fact that pharmaceutical companies stress that testing has only been performed on 'heterosexual couples', as if hetero's and homo's were two different species. I realize there's a purpose to that, but it just adds that last smidgen of insecurity that I needed to feel COMPLETELY helpless.

Point in case, I am angry at myself. I feel betrayed. I feel annoyed. I feel heartbroken. I like someone right now. I have liked people. And I know I will like people. I don't want to be responsible for passing along an 'recurring chickenpox' to the person I love or will love in the future.

I have a problem. And it is not that I have type-II oral herpes (and who knows, maybe genital, I can't even properly tell anymore because I'm so paranoid I think everything's herpes).

No, that isn't my problem. My problem is that I have an OVERACTIVE, PARANOIAC CONSCIENCE.

I don't even know what to do. I am a rational person. I think things through. I am passionate. I think with my heart. And yet, a guy like me has ended up with herpes. What about the more promiscuous boys out there who don't have a thing and are allowed to ridicule guys like me? Why do I not find that fair?

Fair or not, I have herpes.

I need advice. And as rational as I am, I am scared. And angry. And I want the person who didn't bother to make sure they were STI-free when I became intimate with them (because I 'loved' them) to tell me how to explain this to the boy that I want to introduce my family to NOW.

Help.

Hi Moh,

Welcome to our message boards. We appreciate you for posting and sharing your story. It's only natural to ask \"why\" after a herpes diagnosis, and you make a good point in that herpes (and really, any STI) is not something that only happens to \"promisucus\" individiuals - in fact, herpes is very common, with as many as one in four in the U.S. estimated to have the HSV-2. It is in no way a reflection on anyone's lifestyle, characteristics, or choices.

If you've yet to do so, maybe review some of the information in the section of our herpes site that deals with emotional and relationship issues: http://www.ashastd.org/herpes/herpes_emotional.cfm.

If you have specific questions or issues you'd like us to address, let us know.

I hope this helps. All the best,
Fredo

Moh

The one thing people fear most is not being able to understand what the decease is. We all hear there is no cure, but there are ways to decrease or even eliminate outbreaks.

After trying a few thing from my outbreaks was that when I notice that an area of my genital began to blister i dabbed clorox on the area of the outbreaks. with in a few ours the blisters were gone without having any scares.

Try taking a few herbs that are used for treating the decease. Also stay away from sweetner, reduce yeast intake like donuts and bagels. eliminate carbonated drinks, and sugary beverages. Eat more natural foods or foods that are not loaded with lots of additives.

One more thing is to understand the decease.

To the board - never, ever, EVER put bleach on your skin - especially not an open herpes lesion. It only will potentially cause more trouble than it's worth. The skin in our genital area is very sensitive and bleach is very caustic.

betsy