Communicating with a Partner

    Why communication is important

    What is there to talk about anyway?

    When can I start the conversation?

"Imagine going to a restaurant where the chef served you whatever he or she felt like fixing instead of giving you a choice.  Imagine a gardener who never asked, 'How do you like your bushes trimmed?' Yet when it comes to sex many of us assume that we know what our partner wants, or we clam up instead of giving feedback."
-- Paul Joannides, Psy.D., The Guide to Getting It On (6th ed.)

It is perfectly okay to keep some things private, especially fantasies that you enjoy on your own and do not care to share with someone else.  But in any relationship, whether for one night or many years, there are things about which you do need to communicate.  Talking openly makes for relationships that are more fun and satisfying.

You can’t expect a partner to know what you like unless you tell them.  People sometimes think that if their partner really loved them or cared about them the other person would do exactly what they wanted.  But none of us is a mind reader!   No two people want the same things, have the same fantasies, or want to be touched in the same ways.